Health: Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one...

By deadman - 09/07/2012 18:25 - United Kingdom - Market Harborough

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 374

You deserved it 2 472

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Same thing different taste

Mixed signals

By kylinsmama - 08/03/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I got in trouble with my doctor for eating too soon after surgery. Why was I eating? Because the nurses brought me food, which apparently I should've known not to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 227

Drop them right now

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 12:00

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 547

You deserved it 330

By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - 18/10/2013 22:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 182

You deserved it 3 516

Hypochondriac

By Damn it, Charles - 09/12/2022 21:00

Today, I took my friend to the emergency room because he was having heart problems. The doctors recognized him, and one of them had something to say: "Charles, can you not wait until you're practically dying to seek medical treatment?" This is gonna be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 90

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 3 426

By toothache - 14/05/2013 12:03 - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 374

You deserved it 4 392

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 173

You deserved it 7 936

The longest monologue

By Anonymous - 29/11/2012 00:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 121

You deserved it 1 715

That hurts, BTW

By phillij2 - 09/07/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 6 309

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 356

You deserved it 7 464

thundergirl_fml 2

Tuesday 10 July 2012 0:50

I'd be more concerned about his trembling hands considering you're having heart surgery...

torio123 27

Tuesday 10 July 2012 5:15

#70, yes. You're the only one.

Comments

baseballguy06 0

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:04

youre a luckkky fellow

Lillzkog 1

Tuesday 10 July 2012 10:53

How are you able to spell lucky with 3 "K"s?

rivaraven 35

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:08

I'd be more concerned about his hands. But good luck!

supersmeg12345 10

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:21

If we don't hear from you we will know how it went. Good luck OP

Lizza330 28

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:23

I think my first fought would be asking for another doctor. Also, what's the point of the 5 second rule? Germs get on it the moment it hits the ground.

cheekyterier 13

Tuesday 10 July 2012 3:35

no the king germ tells all the baby germs to wait. its the rule of the universe...its on the internet, it's obviously true

redreynard 14

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:23

I respect a man who won't let a good doughnut go to waste. You're in fine hands, OP.

cntryiscntrywide 0

Tuesday 10 July 2012 4:16

Thank you! Lol, five second rule really? It ain't gonna ******* kill nobody to pick it up and eat it

I_lost_the_game 25

Thursday 12 July 2012 0:44

69- I'm pretty sure 26 was kidding (I think).

SovietBarney 8

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:25

Let's just hope that he won't make your screen name true, OP

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:29

Damn it, Doc! Stop doing your Homer Simpson impression while you work!

rcgirl2 11

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:36

He wouldn't be opening my chest with those trembly hands of his.

MischievousV 8

Tuesday 10 July 2012 1:36

We have been trying to get doctors to wash their hands as much as nurses do but...it's impossible. When you work in a hospital you see this stuff all the time.