135
By Anonymous - / Sunday 13 July 2014 18:34 / United Kingdom
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
Comments
Reply

I somewhat agree. But in all honesty, should she really care if the wife hates her? It's unlikely their paths will ever cross again, hopefully because they both dump the dingus. I'd rather know if my husband was a cheating scumbag, so I could tear him a new arsehole, then divorce him, instead of having him date a string of women over the years, and find out years later that I'd been betrayed from the start. Cruel to be kind.

Reply

Very true 117. I just meant it's a possibility that if OP told the wife, the wife might not even get mad at her husband and just think OP seduced him or something. I agree that telling her would be the right thing to do though, even if it is harder.

Reply

I caught my best friends husband sleeping with someone else. I told her. She had a hunch he was cheating all along. But when I told her, she made ME the enemy, and went on a downward spiral. 2 years later, they're still happily married, but I lost my best friend who still refuses to speak to me. Before the downvotes commence: Not saying OP shouldn't let the wife know. You can do whatever you think is right OP. But if I, personally, could have another go at the this situation, I would have pun

Reply

22, sounds like she was a bitch and just wanted an excuse to stop talking to you. I'd much rather know if my partner was cheating on me so I could tell them to gtfo no matter how much I love them.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Every person is different and every person will take news differently. You were not in the wrong by telling your friend what you saw, even if you regret it. The newborn baby needs a good role model in its life. Cheating and lying is always a recipe for disaster no matter how you look at it.

Reply

#30 That sounds like you are very much saying OP shouldn't tell the wife. I understand your concern for his baby, but his wife should have the option to either face who she married or, like your friend, choose to willfully ignore the cheating. Sorry your friend shot the messenger, but that doesn't mean the message was wrong.

Reply

OP should definitely try to contact the wife. Why look at it as she'll just take the baby and leave? The sooner she knows, the easier it will be to repair the problem. It's proven that kids put strain on a relationship so I'm sorry you had to be the side chick, OP.

Reply

@30 Marriage is based on trust. If the wife trusted the husband then she wouldn't be "looking" to see if he was cheating, she would be trusting that he's faithful. So it would be a good idea to let the wife know. If it was me in that situation I'd want someone to let me know that my partner was cheating rather than me having to sneak around following them and going through their phone - because thats not a relationship based on trust and that just ruins it.

Reply

On the other hand, if this man is sleeping with other women, there's a chance he could bring something home to his wife. which makes me wonder if anything can be passed through breastfeeding? I think the spouse always deserves to know, they can decide what to do with that information. 22, if she'd found out some other way, and realised you knew, you'd have been the bad guy then. You were in a no win situation the moment you found out.

Reply

@32 obviously she wasn't very sweet if she stopped talking to you because of your honesty. you did the right thing. I've been in a similar situation and my best friend came to me and told me and we're a lot closer now because of it.

Reply

#30 you can't seriously think it's OK to lie to your spouse/partner as long as they don't know or want to know. My husband (before he was with me) dated a girl who was cheating on him. When he found out, the worst part for him was finding out his friends knew all along and didn't tell him. I know that OP is not his wife's friend but would still be nice to do the right thing.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

#30, It was not wrong that you told your best friend the truth. She had her options how to handle what she heard from you, she could have appreciated what you told her and leave the cheating husband / fix her marriage or ignore you and leave / fix her marriage. Bottom line is you did what was right, whatever kind of reaction she had was totally out of your hands, it was her choice to make.

Reply

Im going to jump on this bandwagon and say confront him and tell the wife. As I myself am married, I would sure as hell want to know if my husband was cheating. Shit, Id buy the "other woman" a drink and sing her praises that she had the courage to tell me. It's different knowingly being a mistress, versus thinking you're dating a single man and find out he's a complete loser and liar.

Reply

your friend sounds pathetic and co dependent.. I hate when women blame the bearer of bad news or the other woman because they don't respect themselves enough to place responsibility on their cheating spouse. Also it doesn't seem like any relationship like that can be really "thriving", because he probably still cheats and she ignores it. you did the right thing in telling her anyway.

Reply

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

He's saying that since the ops husband is cheating, there is a chance he will catch something and infect her as well. Or, get another woman pregnant, and then have to pay child support for that baby.

Reply

I thought it was obvious. Men that cheat on their wives can bring home an STD or get another woman (or women) pregnant. That's an even worse surprise than "only" finding out he was cheating on her. Injury added to insult. Better to tell her now than after something else adds on to the cheating issue.

Reply

On the other hand, if you tell her now, while she's sleepless and caring for a newborn, you might make it more difficult for her to get through an already trying time (new baby + possible postpartum depression). For all you know this guy hasn't done this before. Maybe he will get his act together. Confront him, not her.

Loading data…