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By Anonymous / Wednesday 14 October 2015 12:41 / Canada - Toronto
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OP, I'm so genuinely sorry. This is awful. I will say though that it's a good thing you found out what kind of person your fiancé really is before you married him. You will find someone eventually who is really the right one for you!

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One of three things has happened: A. The guy proposed when he doesn't actually love OP - wtf?! B. They have been engaged for years, during which he fell out of love. Did they even plan the wedding? C. OP proposed to him. Unconventional, but not out of the question. Why did he say yes if he's not in love? :/

OP, I'm so genuinely sorry. This is awful. I will say though that it's a good thing you found out what kind of person your fiancé really is before you married him. You will find someone eventually who is really the right one for you!

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It doesn't mean he was deceiving her. Him staying with her hurt him as well. Maybe he wanted to love her, but just didn't anymore. Those things do happen. You can genuinely care about someone and want to be there for them but not be in love with them anymore

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  ThatOneChick856

#35- I can understand and sympathize with it being hard to leave a long-term relationship and having to spend maybe a month or two to figure out how to bring up the issues or even end it. But to not love someone for YEARS? Yeah, that is more than enough time to realize it's not working AND to eventually realize that you're leading them on. There's NO sympathy for that part of the problem.

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sometimes there's just no good way to end it. my last relationship I was stuck in it because she had nowhere to go. she had no job, closest family was 2000 miles away, if I broke up with her, she would have ended up homeless and starving on the streets

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Most likely, the fiancée did not mean that he that he did not love OP, and was just angry that OP did not care about the argument. Of course, I can not side with the fiancée on this one, because breaking up with someone over that is kind of immature, depend on what the fight was about and if it really was a "minor fight".

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#68 that's kinda the whole point of the FML: that the fiance was NOT talking about the minor argument, but talking about his opinion on their entire relationship. So yes, if he told her he hasn't loved her in years and expresses surprise that OP was even talking about the argument, it's pretty safe to say his words have little to do with the argument and more with the fact that he hasn't loved her in years.

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  ThatOneChick856

#68- Even if your perspective were the case, to sit there and say that the OP would be the immature one for breaking it off (which it doesn't even say OP was the one who ended it) and not say anything about OP's fiancé being immature for purposely trying to crush his fiancé/fiancée's heart by saying "I never really loved you" or something similar is astonishing to me. Anyone who resorts to trying to crush the heart of the person they're arguing with, be it a friend/spouse/etc, is 100% undeserving of that relationship, in my opinion. You'd have to truly give no shits about that person to stoop so low to hurt them.

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#45...unless you're in that position you shouldn't be so quick to judge. People stay in long term relationships for all kinds of reasons. It's not always about "leading the other person on."

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  ThatOneChick856

#76- You can choose to stay in a long-term relationship for whatever reason you want. It does not change the fact that you are leading the other person on by letting them continue to believe that you have the same feelings for them and that the relationship is heading in the direction they expect. You can give me any reason in the world for purposely staying in a relationship when you KNOW you don't love them anymore (I mean well past the time it's appropriate to think about it and break up) and I still will say that you're leading on the other person's feelings. The reason why doesn't change anything.

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45, to add another perspective to 52's, I was slightly afraid to dump my first assbag ex because he was a passive-aggressive but vindictive skank with rich parents whose pweshus widdle angel could do no wrong. I dreaded the kind of retaliation the family might be able to dredge up if I made his jobless ass their responsibility again. Luckily, nothing too horrid happened to me after I finally dumped him, but given the past history, I had good reason to wait until I had a solid way out.

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