By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Spicy
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML
I agree, your life sucks 27 449
You deserved it 4 121
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Top comments

UnidentifiedFun 37

Upon reading this FML I think I cringed harder than I ever have in my entire life. Fyl

256 14

Comments

WCARlover 34

so apparently there's another option now...spitting, swallowing, and sneezing. You the real MVP, OP.

169 4
Le_ponderer 14

It's a feather in you cap that you made him come. Next time when he's about to climax, you pull back and lick the tip only; so the come dribbles down your chin instead of up your nose. Some guys get off on the image, so it's still a plus and you can have a shower together afterwards; wherein he can return the favour ;-)

45 5
fatal4life 10

I did that once. I got so scared lol

2 9
FitFriday 32

Well, are you sure you want to know? Are you really really sure?

17 0
MortenM 17

OP described it quite clearly - in one gap, out another.

14 1
UH60 26

Is your boyfriend's name Dylan by chance?

0 14
UH60 26

It was supposed to be a Friends With Benefits reference with Timberlake's character sneezing every time he has an ******

2 11
piemanfood 19

I'm sorry but this may be one of the funniest things I've ever read

8 3
dutchy86 20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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8 45
DjeePee 24

She shouldn't do jack shit. Boy probably has hands too.

33 4
expertsmilee 26

I would argue that masturbation does little to nothing in the way of stemming the urges for an actual person you have an attachment to. Suggesting someone to jack off in leu of actual sex, to me at least, is like telling someone addicted to meth to just go smoke weed instead. I agree with 22 to an extent.

5 18
DoomedGemini 37

That's too bad, a woman isn't your personal ******* sex toy. If a guy gets a *******, he should be thankful. She isn't required to do it. Neither parties are required to do anything like that for each other. If your partner doesn't feel like sex or oral, take care of yourself or suffer with it. And the addiction comparison doesn't work at all unless you ARE addicted to sex, which you should seek help for.

36 5
ballislife2324 14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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4 22
dutchy86 20

iam not saying she must do anything at all... sex should always be free and fun. ydi...sarcasm?... (anyone!?)

1 17
DjeePee 24

Your sarcasm is exquisite. Though mine is better.

2 11
Setareh23 34

#40 but the comment wasn't talking about the way to feed the emotional urge behind sex, but simply as a way to reduce the literal amount of semen. If the guy masturbates on his own before, he can still have sex with her later (thus getting the "human" side to it) and will have made giving a ******* easier for her in the process. It's about being considerate for your partner. And as someone said, if you are as addicted to sex as someone is to meth, then you have a serious problem and need to get help.

6 1