By JubileeBee - 28/09/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 357
You deserved it 2 416
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Top comments

TheDrifter 23

Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.

85 6
yamatelle 19

What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.

59 2

Comments

TheDrifter 23

Call him grampa and cuddle in his lap. I'll bet he has a present for you.

85 6
DoubleDose 0

what's so bad about a poor old senile man dreaming about his pimping days. stop being a stuck up bitch and play along. he doesnt have much time left

13 33
fakeaccountX 6

You live next to Hugh Hefner?

42 0
SCREAM4meeee 0

Don't you consider him your boyfriend? That sounds like a bad relationship on your part OP.

14 2
MissBunnyWillEat 11

Be careful, OP. He might chop your boobs off and superglue your eyes shut.

42 2
enonymous 8

Herbert the pervert went straight?!? What is the world coming to?

23 0
AndreKanaan 6

#26 you forgot to inform her not to scream if he does try anything... lmao

10 1
cruxx 0

Consider him single. Oh and woo 1000th comment for Enon

5 4
Kyzahhh 7

OP show him your sex is better than crispy bacon

9 3
seanders 10

Let him have his glory lol. He's in his 80s and doesn't have a long time left. If this makes him happy then so be it lol.

7 7
BagleHead 6

He's only 80, just bang him make him happy! He doesn't have much time left. Just play along, dont mind that he is stalking you, he is old. Old means you can do whatever you want!

5 10
kgray99 3

And he chose you out of every other girl in the neighborhood, so that's good....

2 0
enonymous 8

42 - I'd like to thank the academy. GLAAD, My Abs, Anal sex, ruffies, Nutella, high powered binoculars, vaseline, jergens, Keyman, hailphire, and every person on FML an lastly the big G-man in the sky

10 2
DrewsFML 8

Yeah sit on his lap and talk about the first thing that pops up.

3 4
ih82bl8 2

Marry him and take his money when he dies

0 2
6joe9 0

Bang him. He'll probably die. Die happy !

1 1
lifesuxalways12 0

She will give him a heart attack

0 0
ScarletBloom 14

Because you attracted to this kind of people.

9 40
ifknh8usernames 7

you seem to have hard time spelling? you sentences no make sense.

23 4
CryMoreFMLs 14

She's in Singapore, she might be new to the language...

21 1
ScarletBloom 14

What I meant was she attracts this kind of people.

14 4
Blueglasscup 18

Doubt it since most of Singapore speaks English. Even if it's in that damn accent...

5 22
SteveTheJanitor 6

Until he chops her up and puts her in a place where she will never be seen again...yeah, a real nice guy

17 0
ikickgingers 15

"this goes out to all the ladies... 18 to 80. ... Blind crippled or crazzzzzyyy". It's from a biz markie song? Eff it nm.

2 1
KiddNYC1O 20

22- Like in a janitor closet?

3 1
22cute 17

Yeah, I don't think so. Hard as it is to believe unethical creeps get old right along with decent people.

0 0
krez 20

Thanks #104, I thought it was pretty obvious...

2 0
spacemanspiff78 7

Has he offered to host a tylenol pm eating contest yet?

44 4
olpally 32

Uh-oh... Another pedobear on the loose... Run away fast op...

1 2
olpally 32

Haha 19... Pic and comment=win :D

0 0
IDrownOreos 0

Sounds like Hugh Hefner

22 2
SteveTheJanitor 6

What is it with people taking selfies of themselves shirtless...do they actually think they're going to pick someone up on here? They're just embarrassing themselves instead of making themselves look good

11 2
CryMoreFMLs 14

People like to make a miserable attempt to look "cool".

5 2
Andr913 13

Well, douchebags need love too.

2 3
hail_this_villai 0

Meh, the people who do it are desperate for attention and the people mocking it are usually jealous. Lose-lose.

4 2
CryMoreFMLs 14

I adore my unshapely body. Im not jealous in the least bit.

4 1
IDrownOreos 0

Bitch.. Worry about yourself damn ******* no life

0 3
hannahmorgan06 7

what guy doesnt do that? chill out.

0 1
onedayinamsterda 14

dude's 80+, stalked every girl in the neighborhood and thinks Ur the creme de la creme, making u his "gf". it's a ******* compliment right there. take it the right way ;)

18 25
yamatelle 19

What you also didn't know is that he's got binoculars, a box of tissues, and vaseline right next to his window. I would invest in some blinds if I were you.

59 2
ikickgingers 15

^^ I see what you did there. :)

7 1
yamatelle 19

Oh hey there ikick, how is the van coming along? Children nowadays are smarter, aren't they?! It takes more than just lollipops to lure them in.

6 1
rattusrattus 18

The binoculars are for birdwatching, the tissues are because he has a cold, and the vaseline is so he can insert his suppositories. That's his story and he's sticking to it.

12 1
ikickgingers 15

Yamatelle - lollipops. Pfft. Sixlets and bacon wrapped snickers are better than roofies!!

6 1
fanceh 10

omg. bacon rapped snickers. start mass producing those and you'd be a millionaire within a year.

4 0
ikickgingers 15

Fanceh. You sweet little boy. I can show you where I keep the stash., walk with me to my van ;) ;) Works like a effing charm

8 0
fanceh 10

As long as you don't chop my boobs off, heck, I'm down. Lehhh go.

6 0
Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0

haha. maybe he'll break up with you for another neighbor soon.

4 2