Health: Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say... - FML

By RightInTheFace - 12/09/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 570

You deserved it 1 884

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 362

You deserved it 6 198

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 959

You deserved it 12 160

Night terrors

By scared shitless - 24/06/2020 08:02

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 325

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 723

You deserved it 3 536

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 3 378

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 960

You deserved it 5 268

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 3 092

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 815

You deserved it 7 799

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 708

You deserved it 880

By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 5 326

Next

Top comments

thatnakedguy 17

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:31

No punchline?

Cads1 24

Sunday 13 September 2015 12:37

I am sure you did some thing to upset her in her dreams.

Comments

djm2010 8

Sunday 13 September 2015 13:14

Punch her back. I'm sure that would wake her up.

Redoxx_fml 22

Sunday 13 September 2015 21:34

And that ladies and gentlemen is what's wrong with the world

gqlmno 23

Tuesday 15 September 2015 6:36

Well what's the point of equality then? I'm not saying I'd punch her back but women have been fight for equality for a long time now and with a lot of scenarios in mind the out come is very different when changing the sex of the offender and victim

BrutalEater 15

Sunday 13 September 2015 13:25

Let's all hope she is actually asleep OP!

earlytermination 34

Sunday 13 September 2015 13:57

I kick in my sleep. She's not aware when she's doing it so you need to prepare accordingly.

brycemash 9

Sunday 13 September 2015 14:11

Punch her back

Odiz747 23

Sunday 13 September 2015 15:15

"Sleep" punching

mads_nicole 19

Sunday 13 September 2015 15:28

At least it was the face, I've heard of this happening to guys but getting punched in the dick instead

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 13 September 2015 16:24

Well the downside of this is you can fight back...maybe see if she can wear something over her hands at night

viggysmallz 8

Sunday 13 September 2015 16:38

At least your girlfriend doesn't sleep piss like my husband. And I don't mean wetting the bed. I have caught him sleep pissing in the corner, the trash can, a laundry basket, and once, he made it to the bathroom but failed to open the lid and just pissed on it, splashing iron everywhere.

VeganDarkLight 31

Sunday 13 September 2015 18:01

Your husband pisses iron? Now that's impressive!

KaidensCrow 18

Sunday 13 September 2015 16:45

Lol.. my husband does this sometimes... snoring away and then punched me or the wall... I also have to make sure that there are no pocket knives or a my thing. around while he's sleeping... he took a nap one day, he was sleeping really deep and. grabbed a knife and put it through the wall. ;) so he makes me take away any and all knives before we go to bed

JD1147 27

Sunday 13 September 2015 17:00

Yours punches in her sleep, mine punches when she's awake... Seems a guy can't win either way

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The Top

Today, I watched the new Fallout series, which was pretty good… except for the fact that Ella Purnell looks a lot like my ex. Now it’s 6 a.m., hours before I have to wake up, and I can't keep myself from crying. I broke up with this girl for a number of reasons which seem somewhat valid now, but I regret it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 262

Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 63

The Top

Today, my dad came to my room to tell me he’s going to take a nap and didn't want to be disturbed. About 5 minutes later, my speaker started broadcasting the moaning voice of a woman clearly having sex. He's never borrowing my Bluetooth speaker ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 94

Today, my sister shoved a fire extinguisher up my leg while I was asleep. Guess she was too dumb to realise CO2 extinguishers are minus 60°C, because I now have freezer burn up one thigh into my crotch and yes, even on my balls. The whole area has come up in fluid filled blisters and some of the skin has peeled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 90

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 948

You deserved it 490

Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me, "What's the point in doing that when you're getting so fat, those wont even fit in 2 weeks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 351

Today, I gave a presentation. My teacher deducted points because I "need to learn how to speak more confidently, because you often stumble over your words." I have a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 63

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 763