Drunk, Weird and Animals: Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying...

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 03:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 2 452

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Same thing different taste

Animal control

By possum oh possum - 02/05/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I had a small get together in my backyard. My idiot sister got blackout drunk and found a stray cat. She was holding it and taking selfies, until her dumbass realized she’d actually picked up a possum. She panicked and dropped it. Now it’s loose somewhere in my house and I can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 130

By Cecilly2010 - 28/04/2011 15:53

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 611

You deserved it 5 241

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 2 773

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 652

You deserved it 3 393

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 135

You deserved it 3 230

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 633

You deserved it 2 138

By Z - 09/04/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 444

You deserved it 3 031

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 2 463

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 890

You deserved it 2 528

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 251

You deserved it 4 817

Spencyy 18

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:15

Well did he succeed?

rieebee 23

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:15

Obviously the logical thing to do.

Comments

_kyleG_ 34

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:27

Sounds like the opossum-whisperer strikes again

devildog562 33

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:29

Am I the only one thinking that this is one lucky opossum?

MrConcise 34

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:37

I doubt it's a quality cut, the stepfather seems trashy. The opossum might as well be eating a gas station hotdog.

sweetkickboxer 7

Saturday 10 January 2015 22:51

Right!! I would be happy to accept free steak and liquor lol

groza528 17

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:58

Wtf is a "stray" opossum? Aren't they all "strays"?

Noreason89 6

Saturday 10 January 2015 18:04

Not if someone else's drunk father succeeded in domesticating one

NamesIncognita 15

Friday 25 December 2015 19:09

i want an opossum now :V

Econforthwin 15

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:59

Your step dad sounds like a real man's man. Hey I met an opossum yesterday, gave it a steak and some liquor.

exuberant_orange 17

Saturday 10 January 2015 17:11

Knowing possums, more like F his life. Those creatures are terrifying.

blindkid1790 12

Saturday 10 January 2015 17:26

Sounds like a good host!

patrickalamo 47

Saturday 10 January 2015 17:33

Film that YouTube gold...

x3sarax3 17

Saturday 10 January 2015 18:02

Give him to me.. He sounds awesome!

yomomonastick 9

Saturday 10 January 2015 18:09

he sounds like a cool dude.

istishia 12

Saturday 10 January 2015 19:11

Well that does perfectly encapsulate the "spirit" of Texas doesn't it?

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The Top

Today, I'd thought I was somewhat friends with a girl, the only person I actually talked to outside of school, but after overhearing a discussion I think she may actually have restricted me on Instagram, because I've "always pissed me off anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 90

Today, I'm once again stuck on the side of the road. I was borrowing my housemate's old car and it broke down. This comes only days after my own broke down (and will take 3 weeks to repair). None of this is helping my sudden temper and mood swings that have come as a side-effect of discontinuing my anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 124

The Top

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 4 398

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 084

You deserved it 103 301

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 435

You deserved it 230

Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 130

Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, decided to go shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 172

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 268

You deserved it 704

Same thing different taste

Animal control

Anger management

Asshole

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