Animals: Today, I decided to treat myself to a pizza after a long day... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By gearhead369 - 17/04/2016 01:52 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pizza after a long day of work. I opened the door to the smell of a shitnado bomb that had gone off. My poor dog had explosive diarrhea all over the house and I spent 40 minutes cleaning it up. I can't get the smell of shit out of my nose. No pizza for me! FML

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You deserved it 1

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Keywords

Coworkers TMI Work Gross Racism Customers Kids Scary Technology Geek Gamers Miscellaneous Neighbours Animals Health Insects Money Insurance Plumbing Awkward Love AITA Roommate Cheating Pregnancy Wanker Intimacy Mental health Relatable Poopoo peepee

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Today, I got home and found out that, because of a burst pipe in their house, my husband's brother's family had moved in. They agreed to only smoke outside, but it’s on their clothes so the house already stinks of cigarettes, and their kids have already broken two things, a plate and the fridge door handle. FML

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You deserved it 75

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

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Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

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You deserved it 245

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

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Today, and for the past week, I’ve been seeing a guy who checks all my boxes. He treats me amazing, and we both want the same thing, to find love. Seems great, right? Well, I got an anonymous text telling me that I may have been exposed to herpes. Hopefully he doesn’t leave. FML

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You deserved it 387

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink as an urinal. FML

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Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

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Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I was having an affair in The Elder Scrolls Online. While ranting to my online elf husband, he got upset that I had a real life boyfriend and dumped me too. FML

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You deserved it 1 811