Miscellaneous: Today, I called my parents from jail at 4 o'clock in the morning....

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Jail bait - 01/04/2016 18:38 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I called my parents from jail at 4 o'clock in the morning. After they laughed it off as another April fools day joke, they still didn't believe me as I pleaded for someone to come get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 86

Today, my plan to punish my husband by leaving him for a week completely failed. When I got home from the hotel, he had his buddies over happily watching football, but his face fell when I walked in, like I’d ruined his day by coming home. I don’t think my marriage can be saved at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 1 454

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Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 078

You deserved it 4 767

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 1 354

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 151

You deserved it 111 345

Today, my idiot roommate finally realized that a girl who follows you everywhere like a puppy, always wants to talk to you, and "accidentally" sends nudes is into you. Unfortunately, she's since moved on from him. Now I get to listen to him whine about how unfair it all is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 138

Today, my 16 year-old son had a tantrum over me asking him to clean up his room, and decided to tell my 6 year-old daughter that Santa isn't real, and that it was me who bought her presents. My daughter is inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 227

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 603

You deserved it 808