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By perfectmoment / Monday 30 November 2009 00:47 / Canada
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You add the 'who died six years ago' as if that changes how much it sucks to lose someone. Sometimes my friends' facebook statuses say something about their grandmas/grandpas/other close family dying, and I get really upset thinking about my grandma that died in a car accident 2 years ago. And anytime anyone tries to talk about a car accident they were in, I get upset as well. Some people are sensitive and it's possible that your boyfriend was really close to his grandma, or that he bottled up his emotions after her death and has a hard time dealing with them now. It sucks that you didn't exactly get the comfort you wanted, but at least you have someone who can relate to you and help you. When my boyfriend and I met, we got to talking about the car accident I was in (the one my grandma died in) within the first week of dating - it was only 7 months after it happened and I started getting kind of upset talking about it. My not-yet-boyfriend then told me that he had lost his grandpa earlier in that year - it helped me to know know that I now knew someone who had been through what I had been through in some sense. Try to be understanding and arrange a day for your boyfriend and yourself to get together and talk about memories and such - I'm sure it will be helpful for both of you. I'm very sorry for your loss. I suggest finding a grief group - they're really helpful sometimes.

so? I know somebody who's grandma died when they were 4 (they're 22 now) and they are still sad sometimes. So its ok for you to cry but not for him? And let me guess: you weren't sad anymore?

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Amen to that, #4... my math teacher was talking about his father dying in class one day and I went to talk to him after and I started crying because of remembering what it was like to lose my grandma. Over a year after she died.

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What does it say about me that I would've hung up during that conversation? (Had I been OP) I mean seriously, it's his responsibility to help her during this time.

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Wow #2, you're a bit of a bitch aren't you? For someone with "karma" in their username you'd think you'd watch out what you're saying before making dumbass comments like this. And OP, why not be supportive? At least you two can connect here and help each other out with something like this. Isn't that what you do in a relationship? Support your partner?

I think he was trying to help you up. I mean perhaps he missed his grandma dearly. So maybe you should have listened to what he was trying to tell you, rather than what he's saying. Sometimes people don't go, "there, there, everything is going to be alright." Perhaps he was just trying to tell you based on experiences. People who "cheer you up" usually didn't go through the same pain and suffering, unless they're over it completely.

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so it is ok for op to listen while she just got horrid news and she should shut up while her bf who had 6 years to mourn should be comforted? wow. just wow. thats so selfish. ive lost people too, but i never turn it over to my pain when friends go through this as their pain is fresher and hurt more than mine. tell me, if this was you, would you think it was ok? i know i would feel like he didnt give a shit about me and the world spins around him.

You add the 'who died six years ago' as if that changes how much it sucks to lose someone. Sometimes my friends' facebook statuses say something about their grandmas/grandpas/other close family dying, and I get really upset thinking about my grandma that died in a car accident 2 years ago. And anytime anyone tries to talk about a car accident they were in, I get upset as well. Some people are sensitive and it's possible that your boyfriend was really close to his grandma, or that he bottled up his emotions after her death and has a hard time dealing with them now. It sucks that you didn't exactly get the comfort you wanted, but at least you have someone who can relate to you and help you. When my boyfriend and I met, we got to talking about the car accident I was in (the one my grandma died in) within the first week of dating - it was only 7 months after it happened and I started getting kind of upset talking about it. My not-yet-boyfriend then told me that he had lost his grandpa earlier in that year - it helped me to know know that I now knew someone who had been through what I had been through in some sense. Try to be understanding and arrange a day for your boyfriend and yourself to get together and talk about memories and such - I'm sure it will be helpful for both of you. I'm very sorry for your loss. I suggest finding a grief group - they're really helpful sometimes.

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I was going to type something similar, but you said everything I was going to say and more. It's very possible that the tables will be turned someday on the original poster and she will find herself breaking down when someone else brings up a lost loved one.

so? I know somebody who's grandma died when they were 4 (they're 22 now) and they are still sad sometimes. So its ok for you to cry but not for him? And let me guess: you weren't sad anymore?

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OP deserve's it? Thats ridiculous. Put yourself in her position. Her boyfriend was being selfish, although i'm sure it wasn't on purpose and it's not really his fault, it doesn't sound like he really tried to be there for her. OP, i'm hoping he will realise he wasn't much help to you and be there for you from now on. At least this is something you can deal with together! All that aside, i'm sorry for your loss.

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How was he being selfish? OP was the one who called to be cheered up. And it's even more selfish that she put up an FML because he talked about his dead grandmother and she didn't get to talk about her dead grandfather.

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riku3220, my thoughts exactly. Do you think your boyfriend is this guy is always going to make YOU feel better? While most guys are assholes, they have feelings too if I were you, I would of went to his house, hug and cry together. Not write about it on fml how your life sucks Normally I think people are too harsh to the OP in all these. But this one, your whiny bitch. Sorry about your grandma, but grow up and take care of your boyfriend. At least he wasn't a dick and asked for a beer or something after you told him. Sorry your boyfriend has feelings

My grandpa died 11 years ago, when I was 6, and my nan died when I was 11. I still get upset about it, even though it was years ago. So I don't get why the OP thinks he should be over it?

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Because, now SHE’s upset, and that’s more important than other people’s pain. Also, her trauma is more recent, so she gets infinity sorrow/pity points.

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