Animals: Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it...

By halliemarie1818 - 24/04/2013 02:01 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 507

You deserved it 4 670

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Same thing different taste

By vetstudentdream - 15/04/2017 22:00 - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 778

You deserved it 834

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 645

You deserved it 7 399

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 05:06 - United States - Miami

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 763

You deserved it 1 685

By abi_vet_student - 13/02/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 866

You deserved it 7 085

I love the countryside

By disturbed - 01/06/2014 01:53 - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 993

You deserved it 5 705

By Vitani_Verci - 15/01/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 957

You deserved it 1 778

Surprise!

By ilana - 10/02/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 418

You deserved it 3 345

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 286

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 089

You deserved it 6 199

By poomaster - 22/11/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 808

You deserved it 5 161

iLike2Teabag 27

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:10

You out that cow through a lot. Talk about tearing it a new one...

Jakeymd 9

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:11

No one deserves to experience that. FYL (was it like opening a can of coke that had been shook?)

Comments

Talooka 10

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:24

More like FHL....

fml0505 22

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:29

I thought that "I'll tear you a new one" was just a saying. I was wrong.

Vidrill 22

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:37

I like how you worded the fml, especially the part about the "actual" butthole. Somehow makes it sound like it had some sort of pretend butthole...

r0cks0 6

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:39

Cant imagine thats a routine thing. Poor thing is sepsis waiting to happen hope a vet will be seeing it soon

tylahgrace 12

Wednesday 24 April 2013 22:56

That's exactly what I was thinking. Lets hope the poor animal sees a vet soon.

Peppyoctopus 13

Wednesday 24 April 2013 11:44

No need to have a cow- shit happens but that really must've sucked

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 24 April 2013 14:56

… Like those puns?

daydreamer244 13

Wednesday 24 April 2013 12:29

I have a lovely image in my head right now....

spottyblanket 8

Wednesday 24 April 2013 12:31

I hope you sterilised it. 0_0 And why didn't you have a vet do it? And give it painkillers?

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 24 April 2013 15:00

Living on a farm, the nearest vet might be tens of miles away and over-scheduled. Also, it took OP time to figure out what the actual problem was, and maybe to work up the nerve to solve it.

DntLookBack 29

Wednesday 24 April 2013 16:16

People who work on farms have to do a lot of animal doctoring themselves. Vets could take multiple hours to get there, so if the workers didn't doctor the animals themselves, depending on the situation, they could die before a vet got there.