Intimacy: Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get...

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 390

You deserved it 1 114

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By tw@ - 28/09/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 697

You deserved it 4 865

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 2 668

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 047

You deserved it 3 081

By Ugh - 15/02/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 3 846

By Shenza - 17/06/2012 12:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 836

You deserved it 3 021

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 759

You deserved it 7 027

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 119

You deserved it 1 146

By Married Life 101 - 16/05/2019 02:41

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 228

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 060

You deserved it 63 990

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 145

You deserved it 47 281

emeraldarcher74 30

Saturday 8 October 2016 7:04

If that isn't true love, I don't know what is.

roaf 13

Saturday 8 October 2016 7:02

When a hand isn't enough so you need a leg

Comments

qteabutt 12

Saturday 8 October 2016 8:44

Sounds like he turns into a dog when he's drunk.

teyyoshi 19

Saturday 8 October 2016 10:14

wow，doggie style？

kutkutkut 8

Saturday 8 October 2016 10:32

Nobody's getting anything.

_EnderDoge 22

Saturday 8 October 2016 14:40

"I hope you mean EX-Husband!"

trucker2 33

Saturday 8 October 2016 16:02

Stop bragging OP it's inconsiderate to the people who don't get no action at all.

interesting33 36

Saturday 8 October 2016 20:14

HOW can they get away with making people work 24 our shifts?

limeychefboy 14

Saturday 8 October 2016 21:23

Pretty sure a 24 hour shift is illegal outside of slavery

juuuliaaa_fml 24

Sunday 9 October 2016 6:36

What job are you doing that has 24 hour shifts?!

Zellient 11

Sunday 9 October 2016 7:39

Sounds like puppy love

Birdie27 11

Sunday 9 October 2016 15:05

Firefighters work 24 hour shifts where I live. They can sleep at the station if its a slow night, but sometimes they are too busy.

PenguinsLaugh 24

Sunday 9 October 2016 23:22

ER doctors and nurses also work 24 hr shifts in many places.

traumajunkie2519 7

Monday 10 October 2016 8:55

Paramedics work 48 and 72 hour shifts

Keywords

Friends Love Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Work Revenge Parents Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Social Media Jealousy Facebook Relationship advice AITA Kids Roommate Shoes Annoying Music Names Customers Money Education

The Top

Today, it's only been two months since my daughter has owned her home and now she wants to move back to my house because she lost her job and can’t afford the mortgage, plus she got pregnant off a one-night stand and needs my help with the baby. Bang goes my plans for a quiet retirement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 110

Today, my cat has always been rather antisocial, but after his first trip to the vet since getting fixed, he's become talkative, clingy, and goofy. I'd enjoy it, if not for the fact that he's nearly hurt himself several times because he keeps doing stupid shit. He might need to go back to the vet at this rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 130

The Top

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 871

You deserved it 2 333

Today, I went on a beach date, so I wore flip flops. When she showed up, she took one look at me and said, “I could never date a guy who shaves his feet” and left. This from the girl wearing socks with her sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 795

You deserved it 481

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 091

You deserved it 9 006

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 618

Today, I’ve been bricking it about telling my mom I’m pregnant but aren’t getting married to my boyfriend. My mom has a big thing about marriage. Then grandma told me mom’s just a hypocrite, because she got pregnant not only wasn’t she married, they had to do a DNA test to see who was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 162

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 967

You deserved it 946

Same thing different taste

Wait for the hangover

Giving

Top comments

Comments