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FML - The follow-up
bluevix Say more :
Thank you, we're working on it together. It isn't an easy process as it is difficult not to take his disinterest personal, and I have taken it personal (especially early on)... but when you are compatible with your spouse in as many ways as we are. Whilst I may enjoy the idea of sexual intimacy more than him, at least I have someone who loves me as much as I do them. We have plenty of activities we enjoy, but he is more of the asexual type that enjoys a good cuddle versus sex. Which I have learned to enjoy more as we continue on in our marriage.
By bluevix - / Saturday 11 October 2014 01:25 / United States - Stafford
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  bluevix  |  5

It definitely IS frustrating, especially when the things attempted to "spice" up our life don't work. It's depressing too, but I don't want to resent my husband like I did in the beginning of our marriage. Not willing to give up on him over a very... drug out dry period.

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  bluevix  |  5

No, we actually didn't have sex until we got married. It's been a little over two years and I can still count on two hands how often we've had sex, and one where it was successful. I'm inexperienced, he isn't. I can't help but feel all the blame for our lack of intimacy by not being "seasoned" in sex if you will.

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  kilarbos  |  14

Just discuss it and do it however you feel comfortable..sex isn't meant to be awkward and something to despise...unless one of you/both of you are asexual?

By  james98e  |  15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By  False_Stupidity  |  40

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  empbob  |  16

I have a friend in the same boat, so I feel her pain, it's hard when in a 2 year period you've only had sex 3 times including the honeymoon where nothing happened.

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  Enslaved  |  36

My one sister is in that type of sexless relationship. Her husband has medical issues with an overactive thyroids etc... It effects his libido plus he has some phobia about doctors so he won't go to see if he can do something to get the problems fixed. She just suffers and accepts her life because she loves him.

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  bluevix  |  5

Thank you, we're working on it together. It isn't an easy process as it is difficult not to take his disinterest personal, and I have taken it personal (especially early on)... but when you are compatible with your spouse in as many ways as we are. Whilst I may enjoy the idea of sexual intimacy more than him, at least I have someone who loves me as much as I do them. We have plenty of activities we enjoy, but he is more of the asexual type that enjoys a good cuddle versus sex. Which I have learned to enjoy more as we continue on in our marriage.

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  empbob  |  16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  JBrownie123  |  24

I identify as grey-romantic asexual, my boyfriend is in your shoes. It's really frustrating for him but we've had a good talk about it and find that, as unsexy as it is, planning in advance and spending time getting into it helps us.

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  bluevix  |  5

It definitely is not easier said than done. It can be a daily struggle of dealing with "rejection" but I have to understand that his drive is much different than mine. I don't particularly have anyone to talk to either, so sometimes it gets built up (my frustrations) and avoiding lashing out can be troublesome... But as cheesy as it sounds, love goes deeper than sex. If I wasn't a monogamous individual there'd be no issue, but I definitely want to remain loyal to my spouse and execute every option before I would contemplate packing my bags.

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  mu89  |  4

Hey OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm on the other end of the boat, I am that husband. I love my wife more than anything else in the world, our libidos are just different. She has the stereotypical male libido whereas I am asexual, I love to cuddle and spend time together, or just hold her. It's those little things that mean a lot to me. I know how hard it can be for her, and it hurts me so much sometimes, because it feels like I'm letting her down. I don't know why I am this way, I don't understand why, and I wish I could change it for her. Idk what can be done, I've been thinking lately of going to the doctor and asking about something like Viagra, I don't know if it's something they'd do though. Her happiness means everything to me, I just hope she understands that.

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  kernelkat  |  16

I had the same problem with my last boyfriend except he wasn't asexual he had a porn addiction and preferred that to sex with a real person. It was one of the reasons I ended it, couldn't go through the rest of my life sexually frustrated.

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