The Best of the Worst of FML #36
Hello everyone! Usually, as some of you may know, we post this feature at the end of every month, but due to popular demain we've decided to post our Best of the Worst of FML twice a month! Finally, some good news!
For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "car crashes" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature. Now, brace yourself. Imagine you're in an Easyjet flight and you're hearing their "BRACE BRACE" alarm.
Today, I found my grandpas old pocket knife and knowing how my day was going i just couldnt get to the tool i wanted FML.
Diamonds in the sky
Today, after being called a bunch of names that implied me being addicted to smoking my horoscope
Today,a dude told me that he was in “Kamp Life” Mmm … Thinkin WTF I though only to people could fit in a tint ..
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Today, I was at a party, i gained an erection after observing a women. She tripped and landed on me, i ejaculated on her not knowing i had my zipper down. FML
FML Imad -_____- Woke Up Late Cuz My Old Phone Alarm Was On Low . ! Not My Fault (My Mom’s ) Whyyyyyyy Now Should I Stay Home (Catch Up On ALL My Work OR Go To School && Get In Trouble For Being Late . ? ) Uqqqhh . !! Grrrr -_________________________________-
Today,i saw a post on here dissin juggalos … better back off or watch out for the fam
Are you 5?
Today, I was walking in Abbottabad,the city Osama Bin Laden was killed in. I was wearing scottish bermudas, a bright yellow T shirt and red converse high tops. During the first 30 seconds of my walk, I counted 15 people who stared at me and laughed. I didnt bother counting for the rest 1 hour. FML.
Today i walked into the studio to help record with System Of A Down and While changing bass strings one string shot out and broke a window. i started laughing and said somthing like, “ haha at least it wasnt my face!” about a minute after a swarm of bees came thru the hole…IM ALLERGIC TO BEES! FML
Today, I had a milkshake. It tasted like cheese. But I kind of liked the taste, so I kept drinking it. Turns out it was my sisters boyfriends sperm. She was saving it for cheese sex later. FML
Today,I had 2g2 my mothers work & well it startedyesterday mymother & I got in2 a big argumentbecause I apparentlydid somethingwrong & she wont tellme what I did!So today (still dont knowwhat I did) as I’m at herwork she tells every1 what I did & now every1s looking at me like I murd
That's it for now. We'll be back next month for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!
Bonus track: Religious people in these stories are always "extremely".
Today, my extremely religious FML moderating fiancee was sobbing loudly because someone tried to submit an FML saying ‘None of my FML’s have ever been published! FML moderators suck! Go to HELL!’. And because I introduced FML to her, it is now my fault she is going to hell. The wedding is off. FML.