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The Best of the Worst of FML #35

By Alan / jeudi 28 septembre 2017 08:00
Here's another selection of the worst FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep.

Hello everyone! It's the end of the month, which means it's time to post another compilation of weird FMLs that have been sent in by our users. Who would ever submit these? Strange people, that's who. Let's check out this month's selection.

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very weird stories. Or "shitefests" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this column. Put your goggles and helmet on now.
 

Gossip Girl antics 

Today, off from work. Slavery issue concerning child kidnapping, stolen possession, abduction and damage. Closing soon, tonight, free of work and payment.

Confusion

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife’s period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite I ask her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

They have conventions for everything now

Dems folks watching but think I dnt kno… SMH….. Always 5 steps ahead FML…….. I c U looking……. LMAO……. yea Ikno it dnt match fml………..

There's more to life than books you know?

Today I caused a 3rd traffic accident in a month because the 2 moped riders were staring at me. I’d like to think it’s because I’m beautiful, but I know it’s because I’m tall and fat in a country of tiny people. FML.

Anger issues incoming!

My Bro Inlaw Brought Home an $80 dollar called a JackFruit Being adventurous I decided to Try it I took a tiny Nibble of it, an Few mins l8er My throat was closing He did mention tht aton of ppl R allergic to this fruit He looked it up and Found out it Mkes its Own Latex, Im Highly allergic to Latex

Kissfart!

My sister slut shamed me, again!! Salty bitch, she’s just jealous cause I can get good dick and the only person who wants to fuck her is the creepy Indian guy who works at the corner store

Dylan went electric; he was booed

Today my boyfriend pooped in my mouth while I slept this morning and held my mouth and nose shut so I would swallow it. He said he thought it would spice up our sex lives and bring us closer together. FML.

Too many Ys

Hi. I am working with a saudi Prince house as, a waiter house boy. cook. Then. He wants me work as house assistant. Then he says you are traveling with me. Then he told me. Learn and purchase groceries. Every single time.he say something and the next day he change his words. Disappointed

Take a hint

Today, I performed my first ever live rap concert. There’s an obstacle discerning me that happened amidst the simultaneous vibes and deliberate self poisoning. best friend saw sis ask me to watch mom because she’s drunk. Other sis grindin brother. Mom all on me, initial sis is mad, then grindin. FML

/r/ThatHappened

I havnt realised my k.o in boxing I wonder if one day I ever will. or if I’ll walk again. But I hope I realise it. How much I miss life isn’t funny =“”“”“°°`[


That's it for now. We'll be back next month for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!
 

 

 

Bonus track: This person found us, despite not "agreeing" to spell out the word fuck. FUCK!



Fuckity Fuck

Today I searched in google F my life (because I don’t agree to spell out the f word). And this site came up. Once and for all… FML!

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Top comments
By  Tripartita  |  44

“Learn and purchase groceries.” Easier said than done, mate. I’ve been studying for years and have probably only learned two (maybe three) groceries.

Comments
By  Tripartita  |  44

“Learn and purchase groceries.” Easier said than done, mate. I’ve been studying for years and have probably only learned two (maybe three) groceries.

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