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People Are Cutting Up Their Poops And The Rest of Us Are Horrified

By Nina / lundi 15 janvier 2018 10:00
Have you ever laid a turd so large and firm that you had to cut it before flushing? If you have, rest assured you are in good company. For everyone else, you can thank this reddit thread for exposing the shockingly common occurrence of the “poop knife.”

Every family’s got a weird quirk. My parents, for example, made my brother and me wear bells on our shoes until we were 7 anytime we were in public so they wouldn’t lose us. Some families celebrate the dog’s birthday as seriously as any other family member’s and some families leave the door open when they use the bathroom.

In LearnedButt’s case, his family had a “poop knife,” and it wasn’t until he was 22 that he learned how unusual that was.

“...He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML...”

Poop knives. They’re exactly what they sound like. Butter knives for chopping shits. LearnedButt shared his shocking story on the subreddit /r/confessions:

[Light] I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife. from confession

Perhaps more shocking than the fact that such an object existed in OP’s household, or the fact that his wife had been unwittingly using it to open packages, is the fact that OP’s family wasn’t the only one with a poop knife.

Several people shared comments about similar objects having existed in their homes, and we’re honestly just not sure how to feel about it.

One guy used a plastic knife.

This family uses a spatula.

Poop scissors, anyone?

This is one brave girlfriend.

Finally a good use for all those extra takeout chopsticks lying around.

Everyone should have a shit stick.

Pocket knives really do have a million uses.

A pencil? Really?

 

So I guess this means there are two types of people: people that chop their poops and people who don’t. The important question is: which are you?

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Top comments
By  RichardPencil  |  24

That is not what pencils are for! You have insulted my family and must stop that immediately! You have besmirched my family name and owe us an apology...

Wait...

You said "#2 pencil?" That's actually pretty funny!

By  Glowworm56  |  23

I always have a bent out of shape hanger lying around near the toilet. If the poop is too big, I pop that sucker into the toilet and smash the poop into smaller pieces. It's not needed too often, though.
It's a pretty dignified hack if you ask me.

Comments
By  Glowworm56  |  23

I always have a bent out of shape hanger lying around near the toilet. If the poop is too big, I pop that sucker into the toilet and smash the poop into smaller pieces. It's not needed too often, though.
It's a pretty dignified hack if you ask me.

Reply
  Yudith  |  12

A bent-up coat hanger? How dare you! I use that to unclog my bathroom sink! The ends forms a little hook that allows you to fish the clumps of hair and goo that won't go out one way or another. The most disgusting part is having to remove said clumps of hair with your double-gloved hands.

By  RichardPencil  |  24

That is not what pencils are for! You have insulted my family and must stop that immediately! You have besmirched my family name and owe us an apology...

Wait...

You said "#2 pencil?" That's actually pretty funny!

By  Dave_Davington  |  27

I once used a pop knife. After spending an hour trying and failing to slice up my shit, I realised that it was actually diarrhoea. I wasn't exactly Einstein back in my younger days. It really makes you appreciate how different times were back in the old days of ten minutes ago.

By  abigiggles  |  29

When my sister was younger, she didn’t like to poop. Once she made such a big log that she had to lift up off the toilet because it wouldn’t fit in the bowel. She then yelled for her grandma and used floss to cut it into pieces.

By  neuronerd  |  28

Neither I, nor anyone I know of, has ever used a poop cutting instrument. I'm actually pretty horrified by the existence of such a thing, and the necessity for it.

By  piinksock  |  17

I have never heard of such a thing in all my life. If it's so common though, why aren't toilets designed better? There were Victorian toilets that could flush apples, surely someone can design one that can take a big log?

Reply
  Madrias  |  34

If I could put the tank high enough, I'm sure I could flush an apple with a pint of water. But the modern bathroom designer doesn't want the tank at face height, sadly. I know I'd gladly have my 1.3 gallons of flush-water sitting with a little altitude to solve crap that has an attitude problem.

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