Here Are This Week’s 10 Most Hilarious Comments, And Then Some!
10. This is good advice! Listen to azouwa.
“It's like my dad used to say... before you get married take a nice long look at their family because you'll be stuck with them too. wise man.”
9. This is NOT good advice. Do NOT listen to Dave_Davington. You may laugh at his comment, however.
“Well, you know what they say. When it doubt, whip it out. Words to live by.”
8. Entirely unrelated to the OP’s post, but I approve of this tangent, TheTexanHokage and azouwa.
Today, I snuck up behind my cousin and stole his drink. I took a sip, laughed and said, "haha, I got your drink!" He turned around with a giant, oozing cold sore on his lip and said, "haha, you got mouth herpes!" FML
“Now people, what did we learn?”
“Drugs are bad. Mkay.”
7. Two words: nice comment. A hug for you, 1gullible_bugger.
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
“Two words : Meg Griffin”
6. Folks, we should all listen to freckledfox06.
Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML
“Rule number one: never trust a fart”
5. Great idea, Glowworm56. If you do this sexually, it’s called dinophilia. You are welcome, everyone, for that fun fact.
“Eh, just roll with it, and pretend you are prehistoric mammal on the brink of extinction.”
4. Solid excuse, chyiochan.
“Proudly announce you're a mummy.”
3. Sending you a virtual high-five, Chris Smith. Lame puns never go unappreciated by me.
“#11. Looks like she's nun-derwater! Thank you thank you I'll be here all week.”
2. Well crafted, Lobby_Bee.
Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap...where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML
“Poor thing was scared shitless.”
1. Indeed he does, pjsr!
“That man takes the Neighborhood Watch program seriously!”
But wait! There’s more!
Heartwarming Comment Award
Because FML isn’t only for laughing. Its for building others back up when they’re down too! Glimmer980 gets it.
Today, I've finally gathered the courage to tell someone I have schizophrenia. My ex-friends found about it and decided to make fun of me for it by saying that "maybe I have an attention seeking disorder too" and spreading it among our peers. FML
“Hey I just wanted to tell you that you will find friends and people who will like and love you for you. I know finding that courage to tell someone was hard and I hope you can find it again someday. Not everyone will be a jerk like that. Some people will actually take the time to understand and learn.”
Gross Comment Award
Because this comment made us all say, “gahh, really man?” Entertaining, but unnecessary, Talented73.
Today, my girlfriend got heartburn. She started freaking out, convinced she was having a heart attack. Five hours and an ambulance later, we finally left the ER with a diagnosis of 'too many hot dogs.' FML
“Tell her, 'I've got a hot dog right here for you -- and it makes its own sauce!'”
Now THAT is the right way to pander. You get me, RichardPencil.
Today, I was at the water park in Disney World when I felt something run down my leg. I thought that I just hadn't dried off all the way, but when I looked down, there was diarrhea running out of my shorts. FML
“Sounds like a ... wait on it ... _____ situation. A intestinal bacterial public health hazard situation, that is.”
*I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: “sounds like a shitty situation” comments are NOT. FUNNY. Have some integrity, sheesh.
THREAD OF THE WEEK
Because this comment thread was a little unexpected treat! Here are a few of my favorites pulled from the thread by xoxoblondee, chyiochan, and BiGTiMeNeRd! Click on the FML to real the whole thread!
“duck him. you just need to cut goose and let yourself free. don't let him be Robin anything from you. don't be emu about it!”
“This guy ducks.”
“Relax, it's just a wisequack.”