Here Are The 9 Funniest Comments From This Week!
9. FML CONFESSIONS, just when I thought I said all I could say....
Today, I got a new employee. She was putting photos on her desk and I noticed a familiar face. When I asked who he was to her, she said, “My husband.” I had been dating this guy for the past three months. FML
“Today, my wife got a new job, working for my girlfriend. FML” -AzrielB
8. It's called fiscal responsibility, people.
Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML
“Your company is successful because you are not pissing your profits away on fancy, overpriced undies!” -RichardPencil
7. Savage. But ehhhh….. true.
Today, I found out my son has been lying about being sick. He kept complaining so I took him to the doctor and got him some medicine. Now he’s actually sick because he took meds he didn’t even need. He did it solely so he could get an expensive get well soon gift. FML
“Just remove all warning lables in your house and let natural selection sort this out for you.” - OCD_NME
6. And when you're old and sick, will they let you move into their basement?
Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML
“So do the kids get to fight over who gets to inherit the basement when they grow up?” -Glowworm56
5. Well, that's enough internet for one day.
“These Twilight fuckers are getting creative” -manb91uk
4. “She put a bag on my head… still counts!”
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
“Doesn’t matter, had sex.” -Donut_Wizard
3. When ALL 100 COMMENTS SAY THE SAME EXACT THING.
Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML
“I don't know if anyone's already said this (probably not), but you should report it stolen and get a new roommate. I can't believe no one else has thought of this!” -sirrubberduckie
“I guess he could do that but dont you think he should report it stolen and get a new roommate instead?” -OCD_NME
2. We're really hoping this comment is true.
“I started a gofundme page for my expedition to get the sandwich. I hate sexism but I love sandwiches.” -OCD_NME
2. There are two kinds of people in this world:
Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML
“My ex MIL gave my new born whole milk she never watched her again” -thatslifeiguess7
1. We finally addressed the issue at hand and wrote an article about it:
“No one holds Pencil properly ;(“ -RichardPencil
“No one cares abouts pencil anymore :/ you had to know this day was bound to come. In the future all memories of pencil will be erased but fear not they will remember Richard's controversial comments” -Joshwarrior
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
“Plot twist: She's just bitchy because her boyfriend gave away his Valentine's present because Valentine's is for women, not men.” -Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey
“Kmart brand undies aren’t sexy, plus they were urine-stained anyways!” -RichardPencil