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FML Select: Talk Dirty To Me

Are you interested in stepping up your sexy time game? You know what's a foolproof turn-on? Impressions. I know nothing gets me going more than naughty Yoda. WARNING: Only spicy FMLs ahead.
By Nina / Wednesday 7 June 2017 16:45 / France

Hey baby.

It's sexy time and things are heating up. Do you feel that spark, that raw sexual energy? What do you say we move it on into the bedroom and get this fire going? Because I’ve got the perfect kindling to set it ablaze.

That’s right, baby, prepare your loins because it’s time to break out the impressions.

Who do you want to hear first? What do you say we turn this bedroom into a nature documentary with a little Morgan Freeman? I can be your Alfred with my Michael Caine impression. What about Professor Snape? I’ve got a potion just for you…a love potion.

I mean no offense to those who are into the voices. We’re all sex-positive over here. Do whatever you want, with whomever you want (with consent, of course) in bed, or literally wherever. We don’t care how you get your rocks off. All we ask is this: as soon as things start to get weird and you begin to question when exactly things took a turn for the awkward, let us know. Because we want nothing more than to laugh at and/or empathize with your sexy-gone-sour situation.

The following FMLs are a few examples of folks who found themselves in exactly this kind of pickle. Tell me, which of these naughty impressions would be the biggest deal-breaker for you?

By homersgirl - / Wednesday 30 September 2009 08:28 / United States

  Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

By thanks, fuckface - / Friday 16 November 2012 19:42 / United States - Parachute

By Anonymous - / Friday 12 April 2013 15:34 / United States

By Anonymous - / Saturday 16 May 2015 09:11 / United Kingdom - Aberdeen

 

So, which do you think is the worst? My vote goes to Gollum. Even writing "gollum" just now made me cringe. Come on man, knock that out.

Thanks for tuning in, you sexy thangs. 

♡ Nina

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  Nina  |  24

I'm so sorry I failed you guys. Brb I'll be in the corner crying, thinking about the atrocious mistake I made.

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