FML's Survival Kit #4
Hello everyone ! So, it's that time of the week again when we show you stuff that we've liked over the past week. Buying stuff makes us feel alive and less like failures, and we like things that allow us to avoid thinking too hard about the election. Anyway, here's the stuff that we liked this week!
Our team is really into gadgets, games and weird objects. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things we like, what makes us giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for gifts, either for yourself or someone special. Check 'em out.
My little buddy
"I'm into all things that make my house look great, so this little guy is a perfect companion for the rest of my little army of men stationed outside my front door, as well as inside the house. As you can tell, I like having people drop by unannounced, so having this right by the front door really sends a message to people thinking that they come along whenever they please. Also makes a great gift for someone who won't get the message."
My feet are horny
"I'm well aware that these are unicorn slippers. So what?! I think they look cool, and as the nights are getting as cold as a witch's tit around my way, they're great for keeping my hairy-toed feet warm. They're available in one-size-fits-all so they make a great gift for someone how also likes to lounge around the house watching TV while eating cereal."
My teeth are worth it
"Sometimes, when I get back to my mom's place in the middle of the night, she likes to check I haven't been out smoking with my posse, my crew. So, to avoid all accusations of wrongdoing, I got myself this toothpaste. It has a cupcake flavor, so my mom thinks I've been out stuffing my face with cupcakes, instead of just hanging around the stairwell, smoking jazz cigarettes."
Nice cuppa shite
"This week I selected this mug because I've been quite ill, vomiting from both ends, so it's kind of appropriate that I'd be drinking coffee out of a toilet. It's a funny gift too, but I'm keeping mine on my desk to remind me of the day I soldiered on at work despite having the squits."
I have no thumbs
"This is a game for humans. Humans that like to wrestle, and it's only available to people with opposable thumbs. I'm a cat, which means that I don't have any thumbs so I can't play. Maybe the next evolutionary step will allow a strain of cats to develop thumbs, but for now I'm stuck watching my human try and beat his friends in this miniature ring. Get it for yours."
I'm the firestarter, twisted firestarter
"I'm usually quite high maintenance, but surprisingly I like camping. The great outdoors, tents and massive sleeping bags. But to be able to camp, you need to know how to make fire. None of that rubbing bits of woods for hours shit for me. I've got one of these neat flints that will set alight any bunches of sticks or paper. Get it for your 18-year-old layabout son as a hint that it's time to move out of your house into a tent and make it on his own."
A classic LP
"No joking around this time. This week I've selected a classic album from 1977, the first album by the duo called Suicide. It influenced many people, and the singer was also called Alan. If you're not terrified by the end of 'Frankie Teardrop', you're clearly emotionless. Get it now, because it's a must-have of any decent record collection. M.I.A. knows, she sampled 'Ghost Rider' to then bellow all over it."
I like to booze it up
"I've recently set my sights on becoming a functioning alcoholic. It's a step up from what I was going before, ie. studying marketing. So, to start myself out, I got this hand belt buckle flask, which I fill with cheap wine to sip during the day. I hope to move onto the harder stuff soon, like fortified wine, or vermouth. I'm going places! Makes a great gift for the boozehound in your family."
That's it for this week. See you next week, same place, same time for some new and cool stuff we've seen floating around the internet!