FML's Survival Kit #14
Here's this week's collection of cool stuff that you definitely need! We make absolutely no money from this column, the revenue it generates is hardly worth our time, but we enjoy doing it.
Our team of geeky friends and colleagues, as most of you wonderful people are, is really into gadgets, games and weird stuff to play around with. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things we all like, what makes us all giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for upcoming events like birthdays, bar mitzvahs and other fun things. Check 'em out.
I need to stock
"These last few weeks I've lost a bunch of data, due to a migration error. No, not migrants, I mean moving data from one place to another. Anyway, I bought this USB-powered hard drive to store the things I need to survive. Like music (Phil Collins, Hall and Oates…), TV shows I can watch again and again (Who's the Boss?, Happy Days…) and all sorts of top secret documents that make Wikileaks look like amateurs."
"I've started collecting gamer-related figurines to decorate my place, which really needs some sprucing up. I've love games, but not in a 'Hey, I'm a gamer girl' kind of way. That's a patriarchal construct, we are humans that like games, just like the spotty-nosed dudes down at Gamestop. Anyway, I got this figurine because I love Link from The Legend of Zelda, but if you click on the link (haha) there's many more to collect. I'm addicted but poor."
Not doing that, uh-huh
"My boss is getting on my tits. He's always on my case, asking me to do totally asinine stuff that I know will never be used. So, I got this mug for the office, it sits on my desk and is supposed to convey my response to every stupid task I'm asked to do. There should be a companion mug or saucer to go with it, saying, 'That sounds reasonable, I'm on it'. Maybe one day…"
Pictures of you
"I've always been a fan of old fashioned technology. I have a dial-up phone at home. I use a 56kbs modem and now I've gone back to taking pictures onto film. Joking aside, this is a great camera for taking pictures that actually mean something, because they're printed onto rolls of film, so there's no do-overs. It makes taking pictures of my girlfriend in the shower much more romantic, and you have to wait for the film to be developed, a ritual a lot of people have forgotten. No use for selfies with this baby."
Declaration of dependance
"Got a cat? You're cool. I said that last week. After mugs and other cat-related stuff, I pretended to fall asleep on my human's laptop when in fact this is what I was looking for. He noticed and actually bought it. It's the sort of thing that actually says the truth about our relationship. He's a big fat introvert who would rather stay at home talking at me than going out and getting laid. Pathetic."
"This is a famous cartoon that was first seen inside a t-shirt pocket, and now it's become a welcome mat for your home. I love it. It represents me, cat-like and nicely vulgar. Get it for yourself or for someone you know who isn't a very welcoming person. Get it glued down because people will try to steal it."
Like Dylan in the movies
"I play bass in a band, as I mentioned last week, but recently I've been a bit depressed so I bought myself a set of harmonicas, all in different keys so you can play almost any Bob Dylan song, despite not having a Nobel prize. Play along with your acoustic guitar (you'll need one of those gadgets that goes around your neck and holds the harmonica up to your mouth) and you can even go outside and try and get a few cents off people in the street thanks to your rendition of Blowin' In The Wind."
Say EFF OFF!
"I've been all over the place this last week. My mood has been up and down, so someone bought me this book. It's really good, it gives good advice on how to live your life not caring what other people think of you or your lifestyle. It makes for a great gift if you know someone in a similar predicament."
That's it for this week. Hope you enjoyed our selection, and maybe even bought a few things! See you soon.