Bonjour lovely people of FML.
I've been living outside the United States for two and a half years, and every now and then people ask me "What do you miss the most?" Apparently, this is a trick question and I get it wrong every time because the answer people expect me to say is "family and friends." If I said that, I'd be lying. The real answer is twofold: Mexican food and In-N-Out Burger (that's right, I'm repping California). In fact, I currently have a care package being sent to me containing the $50 worth of In-N-Out merchandise I ill-advisedly ordered online during one of my stronger periods of craving and three large bottles of Tapatio hot sauce.
Does it make me a bad person that I miss burgers and burritos more than people? I don't think so. I can talk to my friends and family any time I like, but I can only dream of real American burgers, although, duh, they have burgers here too. Good ones, in fact. But never quite the same.
As you can tell, today I have burgers on the brain, and that is why today's FML selection is an ode to the burger.
Intro to the Burger
Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML
Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
NOM NOM NOM
Good For More Than Just Eating?
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML
Today, whilst I was working in McDonald's, a customer threw their Quarterpounder at me because it had pickles and he said he didn't want any pickles in his burger. I didn't even serve him. I'd just started my shift. FML
Das it. I can't keep going because I am too hungry now. Guess what I'm having for dinner tonight.