20 Funny Tweets To Get You Through The Last Few Days of November
We at FML spend so much time reading through all the submissions to sort out trash from treasure that we get bummed before too long. That’s why we take the occasional Twitter breaks to pick us back up.
Here are some of our favorite Tweets from the week that made us laugh!
1. Why is the TV on anyway?
the year is 2008.— LOGAN (@luggin_) November 17, 2017
the time: 2:30 AM.
you awaken in a sweat.
a light illumates your dim room and a sound penetrates the area.
you hear the words that come this time every night: “All. My. Friends. Know the low rider.”
You see him. pic.twitter.com/hZ38fC4cvI
2. It's burning my eyes.
This is just disrespectful https://t.co/jmdXANjILq— Pop-Tarts (@PopTartsUS) November 20, 2017
3. I stand corrected.
A father came into the store w his daughter and she picked 10 Burberry watches. Then she said "thank you daddy" and I was thinking wow my dad doesn't even buy me lunch. Then he smacked her ass and I was like ohhh not that type of daddy. What a life she lives.— kaelynhernandeeznuts (@kaelynllanza) November 19, 2017
4. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
So I was at Walmart earlier— Aavash (@ohmygoshaavash) November 16, 2017
A lady was looking at frozen turkeys, but she couldn’t find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy, “do these turkeys get any bigger?”
He replied with a straight face, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Made my week
5. My dreams aren't nearly as deep as yours.
i had a dream that i was trying to find a fruit scale in walmart to weigh my pomegranates and then obama stopped me, took them out of my hand, and told me the exact weight. i asked how he knew and he said "when the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you learn" OBAMA R U OK— ari (@IosrscIub) November 19, 2017
bill nye's full name is actually bill new year's eve— menial punk (@holyscum) November 19, 2017
7. You don't wanna know, mumikins.
Mom just asked “if you had a shot for every bad decision you made would you be sober, tipsy or wasted?” I’d be fucking dead tbh mom— ??♂️ (@hoescrush) November 18, 2017
8. Cool, I was already in my pajamas anyway.
*plans get cancelled*— ifs (@somalijawn) November 19, 2017
every introverted cell in my body: pic.twitter.com/BdwTaFdUKI
9. Stop it with this nonsense, Mr. Moviefone.
How tf is every movie in America the #1 movie in america https://t.co/4v0deHPwJL— кєи∂яιк (@SimpnMild) November 18, 2017
10. Adulting level 35.
yeah sex is cool but have you tried washing your dishes right after you use them so they never pile up in the sink???— nick (@drumforge) November 17, 2017
11. Thank you, strange man on the street.
i walk past this guy and he goes “damn girl i hope ya man treatin you right” and tbh that was the most considerate catcall ive ever received— qikz (@QianaYana) November 19, 2017
12. I was wrong. I was so wrong.
maybe this party will actually be fun....— zander (@finah) November 19, 2017
me the entire night: pic.twitter.com/Fi7nyfkqvv
13. Y u gotta be so exclusive?
anyone make fakes? trying to get into costco— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) November 15, 2017
14. I call that Friday night.
friendsgiving but instead of cooking a thanksgiving meal you order a bunch of chinese takeout and also your friends aren’t there. it’s just you alone and hungover watching old reruns of shark tank— ryan (@yeetztweetz) November 19, 2017
15. End of semester feels.
Jingle bells, taking L's, hit me with a sleigh. I'm so done, this isn't fun, there goes my gpa.— ALMOND (@ahmedtwinkie) November 19, 2017
16. Signs you might have a problem.
"That febreeze smells like fireball."— Leo Blake Carter ☻ (@LeoBlakeCarter) November 15, 2017
Yeah I think us non-alcoholics call that cinnamon, Becky.
17. Me too.
i miss all the money i've spent over the years https://t.co/w6GmA4778N— adrian (@Tolerance) November 16, 2017
18. Actually no, it sucks.
No money November is going well so far— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) November 18, 2017
19. Only all the time.
have u ever accidentally ignored someone for SO long that by the time u see the message again it would actually be rude of u to reply to it— ? (@Ixwie) November 20, 2017
20. Maybe next round.
parents: got any A's this semester?— Connor Hannigan (@connor_hannigan) November 20, 2017
student: go fish