18 FMLs About Teddy Bears...It's Funnier Than It Sounds
…yeah, we’re not sure why there’s a National Teddy Bear Day either, but there were a ton of these FMLs so we’re just gonna go with it. Mkay?
They were there for you in times you needed comfort. When you were a kid and afraid of the dark. When you heard monsters rumbling in the closet, but mom and dad wouldn’t believe you. Your teddy bear was the only thing that could protect you. They’re a shield—a kind of talisman, in fact. But only when you’re young.
It turns out, when you’re an adult and you find yourself with a teddy bear, it’s not just embarrassing, it’s a bad luck charm. These people had to find out for themselves.
1. Found: door-to-door salesman repellant.
Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML
2. Put that back where you found it!
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML
3. Teddies should be used for good, not destruction.
Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML
4. Perfectly bad timing.
5. Reminds me of teddy grahams. Makes me hungry.
6. Ah, stoner love. His romance skills are high.
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
7. It was probably time to let go anyway.
8. Maybe if you'd have stayed away one more day, you could've ridden shotgun.
Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML
9. Hey, you've gotta make the job fun somehow!
10. You're boss is as savage as a real bear.
Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML
11. Aren't dads great?
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
12. Puberty is rough.
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
14. Seeking guidance in a stuffed animal and taking wind as an omen? YDI
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
15. Imagination keeps us young forever.
Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML
17. Keepin' em' entertained. Good thinking.
Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML