16 Of The Funniest Tweets From This Week
1.Remember when we didn't have 280 characters and gems like these would never ave been possible?
Me: What's the wifi password?— Ian Sausage (@stephenjmolloy) March 11, 2018
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
2. They aint wrong though.
I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was fancy...my one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water”— autumnpaige (@autumnsays_) March 14, 2018
*students erupt in laughter*
3. Just not the kind of water from the last tweet.
Don't forget drink water and get some sunlight because you're basically a house plant with more complicated emotions— Zach Birkland (@Birkalicious) March 13, 2018
4. Honestly....... the disrespect of not accepting $800 is too much.
that screenshot of the girl curving the dude who offered her $800 for feet pics makes me cringe........ fellas if ur tryna buy feet pics from me for anything close to $800 my DMs are ALWAYS open— sugaree (@corinnegarnier_) March 13, 2018
5. We didn't say play dead!
I GOT MY DOG A LIFE JACKET AND SHE FORGOT HOW TO BE A DOG pic.twitter.com/FwykKbvHsB— TEXAS (@_whitejoe_) March 11, 2018
6. *sips tea*
beyoncé is only taking jay z on tour because he can’t be trusted home alone for 5 months— syd (@sydnayeee) March 12, 2018
7. Well I guess that settles it then.
It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 14, 2018
8. The original tweet was great...
Made a sandwich 10 min ago and been looking for it ever since then🤦🏾♂️ I gotta stop smoking😂 pic.twitter.com/NCbNOyvZXe— KENSON #SE (@F_Kenson) March 12, 2018
9. ...And the reply was also too good to pass up:
LMAO the highest shit I've ever done is make a bowl of cereal, had my phone in one hand the bowl in the other, I threw the bowl on my bed instead of my phone https://t.co/sROnBDHevS— address me as brother love (@OwwKiana) March 14, 2018
10. You love me, and you're gonna prove it.
When you gain winter weight but bae promised they’d still love you the same. pic.twitter.com/IpPIZa5DmT— Ben Hall (@MrBenLHall) March 10, 2018
11.She speaks for all women.
this the strongest curve of 2018 pic.twitter.com/aTY3TK0wzQ— kire tweets (@habitualkire) March 11, 2018
12. Got it, chief.
My son talking bout “why u got stuff n my car seat when u knew i was getting n the car “ Lmaoo my fault boss— Trill Jackson (@Im_0n1) March 11, 2018
13. Or before even getting the joke out.
Me after laughing at my own jokes pic.twitter.com/RVn09fx76G— e$tephania (@Ignorantwordss_) January 18, 2018
14. An accurate description of life at the moment:
How's life going?— 4:06 (@ReezaySA) March 12, 2018
15. Wait for it.
Only three of these are hand drawn pic.twitter.com/glO4zJmEDR— Justin Kim (@justindkim92) March 10, 2018
16. Last one goes out to Stephen Hawking, for being a badass. RIP.
rip stephen hawking, a brilliant mind and deliverer of sick burns pic.twitter.com/v7vQZXHiKJ— Nicole Zhu (@nicolelzhu) March 14, 2018