15 FMLs About Bacon, The Greatest Culinary Discovery Known To Man
1. Grease me up, baby!
2. What a delicious pork belly.
3. Who's the bitch now?
4. Is my honesty not enough for you?
5. Those poor dogs have been eating counterfeit bacon?
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
6. He's not the brightest, but he'll go to great lengths for what he loves.
7. HOW DO WE PROCEED?!
8. It smells amazing because it smells like bacon.
9. Your boyfriend is a groundbreaker.
10. That's hot. Sizzling hot.
11. The love of bacon transcends species.
Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML
12. He's got his priorities in order.
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML
13. Poor pup didn't even get to taste the bacon-y goodness.
Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML
14. A genius indeed.
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
15. Hot for hog.
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML