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10 FMLs About Mall Santas That Will Make You Even More Distressed at The Thought of Mall Santas than You Already Are

By Nina / samedi 16 décembre 2017 10:00
It’s a holiday past time. Santa Makes his debut at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and then all of a sudden he pops up at every mall in the country, with lines of children hours long waiting to tell him what they want. Sometimes, though, the experience can be less magical than hoped for.

Being a mall Santa is no easy gig. Santas train for years to be the best Kris Kringle possible, perfecting their Christmas dialogue,interacting with kids, growing their facial hair...it’s a serious job!

But a good Snata is hard to find. They book their schedules months in advance, and since mall Santas unlike Santa Santa can only be in one place at a time, many malls are left without quality Clauses. Instead they end up with bottom of the barrel fellas who don’t know how to keep their cool in difficult situations, or even worse - a Santa that’s on the naughty list.

Don’t know what I mean? See for yourself!

1. Getting a little too cozy there, big guy!

Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML

By shellz15 / Sunday 15 December 2013 12:36 / Australia - Melbourne

2. 'Tis the truth, though.

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

By I said whaat / Tuesday 18 December 2012 16:50 /

3. His little round belly must have been shaking like a bowl full of jelly.

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

By Anonymous / Tuesday 18 December 2012 05:15 / Canada - Toronto

4. Imposter!

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

By unknown / Monday 17 December 2012 11:37 / Canada

5. That's how excited she was to see you.

6. Welcome to Santa's chocolate factory.

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

By tishihish / Monday 12 December 2011 05:15 / United States

7. Between reindeer and Priuses, at least he doesn't pollute.

Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML

By Anonymous / Tuesday 6 December 2011 21:01 / United States

8. What a little Grinch.

Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML

By santashelper / Monday 5 December 2011 23:32 / United States

9. Keep it to yourself, Santa.

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

By hotmommy / Monday 20 December 2010 00:23 /

10. You, sir, are a monster.

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

By childdreamkiller - / Thursday 8 December 2011 17:41 / Canada

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Top comments
By  skippydoda  |  30

I feel like a lot of these could be avoided if parents stopped telling their kids that the mall Santa is the "real" Santa. It's Christmas and Santa is too busy to actually come to all the malls. These people are his special helpers.

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By  skippydoda  |  30

I feel like a lot of these could be avoided if parents stopped telling their kids that the mall Santa is the "real" Santa. It's Christmas and Santa is too busy to actually come to all the malls. These people are his special helpers.

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  Dave_Davington  |  27

Better yet, stop with all the Santa bullshit entirely. Most of the time, all you're doing is setting them up for heartbreak when they inevitably find out that the magic man delivering presents to every single person in the world in a single night using a flying reindeer drawn sleigh is not in fact real. Most kids just want the presents, they're not going to give a shit if they're not duped into thinking they're the result of a magical reverse burglar from northern Scandinavia.

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By  thatslifeiguess7  |  14

My kid and grandkids believe in Santa at church. You GIVE to him! We have a fund and the kids get to pick out a gift star and we wrap it and they GIVE it to santa to help. He takes a picture with them thats it.
They also bring canned foods and such.
They know its Ed he looks like santa year round

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