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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

#1399688
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60594) - you deserved it (6153)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I brought back the puppy I adopted for my family. I spent months doing all the research on puppy care with two young children, and at least five hundred dollars for the dog, the supplies, toys... the whole bit. Turns out everyone's allergic to her. FML

#1386649
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46971) - you deserved it (7746)

On 04/27/2009 at 8:52am - animals - by achoo (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

#1351662
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17078) - you deserved it (40616)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:13am - animals - by alikat (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (16216)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML

#1331551
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41158) - you deserved it (7454)

On 04/25/2009 at 7:36pm - animals - by ugh (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML

#1323390
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52338) - you deserved it (11618)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by birdmagnet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25633) - you deserved it (85422)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51644) - you deserved it (8624)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

#1188272
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119574) - you deserved it (4796)

On 04/21/2009 at 9:48am - animals - by lylethomes15 (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51272) - you deserved it (23997)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

#1131048
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66501) - you deserved it (6926)

On 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm - animals - by yuckspider (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

#1086654
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47916) - you deserved it (9386)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by Spec (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

#1078631
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68223) - you deserved it (3114)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:45am - animals - by englishtrio (man) - United States (Texas)



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