Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

by ks.swan13 / 12/22/2010 at 4:50am / Animals

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2010 at 3:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

by Annonymous / 12/16/2010 at 9:28pm / Animals

Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML

by xxmollyxx / 12/16/2010 at 6:54am / Sweden / Animals

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

by Olive14 / 12/15/2010 at 1:15am / Animals

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

by fufu_mutt / 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2010 at 9:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

by riddick0846 / 12/12/2010 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 10:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

by elliekilroy / 12/10/2010 at 7:12pm / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Animals