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Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

#2082819
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40740) - you deserved it (25469)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by Deconstructed (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16971) - you deserved it (65131)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

#2071400
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44351) - you deserved it (7126)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:19am - animals - by Tcake (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
436 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31936) - you deserved it (141360)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

#2003683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50962) - you deserved it (7867)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

#1973503
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14926) - you deserved it (53590)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:21am - animals - by killer (woman) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

#1973395
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32521) - you deserved it (16793)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:11am - animals - by FishStampede - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16997) - you deserved it (94755)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

#1868232
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48969) - you deserved it (5928)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:16am - animals - by babyboomerang (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

#1845673
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50661) - you deserved it (6748)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

#1836224
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52572) - you deserved it (5079)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:21am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML



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