Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

#2357341
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46629) - you deserved it (4263)

On 05/27/2009 at 9:40pm - animals - by KitKat270 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58236) - you deserved it (7453)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

#2332017
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61546) - you deserved it (2433)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:50am - animals - by KMROYALShottie (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

#2278692
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39787) - you deserved it (36661)

On 05/25/2009 at 3:45pm - animals - by duderboi99 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

#2267588
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55551) - you deserved it (6168)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:33am - animals - by jackelking (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML

#2241699
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73508) - you deserved it (4106)

On 05/24/2009 at 2:05pm - animals - by holly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

#2207384
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59412) - you deserved it (5965)

On 05/23/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by beatricesank (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

#2143757
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15789) - you deserved it (54210)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

#2137962
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54102) - you deserved it (3718)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:06am - animals - by georgia819 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16684) - you deserved it (57607)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15113) - you deserved it (40532)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

#2113769
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40353) - you deserved it (7481)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by vitalcheese (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

#2107196
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15471) - you deserved it (47324)

On 05/20/2009 at 5:07am - animals - by catlover (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: