Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

#4031277
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38746) - you deserved it (8279)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:43pm - animals - by stpddog (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

#3981210
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16025) - you deserved it (39854)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:43pm - animals - by emmey (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the rest of the morning blowing little bugs out of my nose. FML

#3909858
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33288) - you deserved it (16633)

On 07/20/2009 at 5:32pm - animals - by FlowerPower (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

#3878606
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33141) - you deserved it (26334)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:14am - animals - by Isabelle18 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39693) - you deserved it (3450)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the real cause of my dog's illness that she had just recovered from. When my sister took her in to see the vet, the vet said my dog was constipated, and swallowed something orange. That orange thing happened to be my favorite thong. FML

#3818838
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34332) - you deserved it (5560)

On 07/17/2009 at 12:02am - animals - by orangethonglover (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56709) - you deserved it (3501)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

#3739737
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48510) - you deserved it (7700)

On 07/14/2009 at 4:55am - animals - by doggone (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

#3731184
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40563) - you deserved it (8080)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

#3715580
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48605) - you deserved it (2589)

On 07/13/2009 at 12:21pm - animals - by notwasted39 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML

#3682423
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13475) - you deserved it (51632)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:35am - animals - by tryscal - United States (California)

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

#3582507
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47618) - you deserved it (10888)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:51pm - animals - by coral (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML

#3559417
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38105) - you deserved it (17859)

On 07/07/2009 at 5:29pm - animals - by ssnickel - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: