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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10569) - you deserved it (53927)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

#2741665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37838) - you deserved it (9170)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

#2656270
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41715) - you deserved it (10730)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42846) - you deserved it (6145)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66950) - you deserved it (4527)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

#2650637
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40911) - you deserved it (4641)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69273) - you deserved it (179923)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#2529769
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35306) - you deserved it (21195)

On 06/02/2009 at 11:33am - animals - by dumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

#2524291
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9063) - you deserved it (53843)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:39am - animals - by xacked (man) - United States (California)

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

#2433672
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46596) - you deserved it (20226)

On 05/30/2009 at 2:04pm - animals - by lfssecond - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46274) - you deserved it (3990)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39321) - you deserved it (8763)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML

#2403951
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33291) - you deserved it (2949)

On 05/29/2009 at 3:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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