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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

#3136598
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15814) - you deserved it (38279)

On 06/23/2009 at 12:44am - animals - by Xtine (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn't fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML

#3110459
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17425) - you deserved it (41447)

On 06/22/2009 at 2:06am - animals - by Ketchup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

#3107259
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35412) - you deserved it (16851)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:04am - animals - by ihatedogs (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

#3096278
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35232) - you deserved it (4652)

On 06/21/2009 at 5:41pm - animals - by FML (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

#3029108
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39625) - you deserved it (2231)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

#2912753
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42046) - you deserved it (3881)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

#2906688
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you deserved it (2871)

On 06/15/2009 at 6:07am - animals - by Tom (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31445) - you deserved it (11941)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10565) - you deserved it (53919)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

#2741665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37831) - you deserved it (9170)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

#2656270
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41699) - you deserved it (10727)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42833) - you deserved it (6143)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66940) - you deserved it (4526)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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