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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

#5863047
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32599) - you deserved it (1978)

On 10/17/2009 at 7:13am - animals - by Ethan (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

#5851375
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39602) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:33pm - animals - by syn1734 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

#5848381
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36835) - you deserved it (4635)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:44am - animals - by Halloweenie (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

#5844999
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27157) - you deserved it (2986)

On 10/15/2009 at 6:14pm - animals - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

#5839165
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (2216)

On 10/15/2009 at 2:16am - animals - by birdhater (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

#5806197
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11997) - you deserved it (20925)

On 10/12/2009 at 9:44pm - animals - by catgirl911 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

#5791962
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26919) - you deserved it (3376)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

#5789992
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12031) - you deserved it (50141)

On 10/12/2009 at 1:36am - animals - by bubbles (woman) - United States

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

#5774966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40049) - you deserved it (2319)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:16pm - animals - by traumatised (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27769) - you deserved it (5385)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

#5740729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27312) - you deserved it (8529)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:48pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Greater London)

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31690) - you deserved it (8078)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

#5698254
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24283) - you deserved it (11513)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:57am - animals - by ScaryOldMan (man) - United States (Texas)



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