Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

#14779730
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30219) - you deserved it (5064)

On 01/30/2011 at 9:34pm - animals - by birdguts (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

#14753781
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53216) - you deserved it (4311) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Anonymous - France

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

#14718702
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15889) - you deserved it (22741)

On 01/26/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by lizzy1843 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

#14698067
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40167) - you deserved it (7704)

On 01/24/2011 at 1:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

#14693760
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74062) - you deserved it (4182)

On 01/24/2011 at 12:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I discovered I have bed bugs. I have nowhere else to sleep and I won't be able to afford a new mattress for at least a year. I'd better get used to these giant welts. FML

#14681318
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30617) - you deserved it (5145)

On 01/23/2011 at 12:32am - animals - by krushr (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

#14658827
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23346) - you deserved it (13294)

On 01/21/2011 at 3:35am - animals - by twinkie2 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

#14630933
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9216) - you deserved it (38882)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:49pm - animals - by fml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

#14583588
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23959) - you deserved it (3272)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:24pm - animals - by inchetogb - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

#14552215
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12336) - you deserved it (30664)

On 01/12/2011 at 8:29am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

#14529858
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8565) - you deserved it (65745)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:25am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

#14526378
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12273) - you deserved it (31242)

On 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

#14505614
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (5231)

On 01/08/2011 at 3:57am - animals - by ciotter (woman) - United States (California)



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