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Man or woman?

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

#6325781
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8752) - you deserved it (35373)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by baddaughter (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6932) - you deserved it (66920)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22559) - you deserved it (3358)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

#6254923
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30218) - you deserved it (3364)

On 11/11/2009 at 6:28am - animals - by dEpPrEsSeDgIrL (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

#6246007
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24646) - you deserved it (16373)

On 11/10/2009 at 6:05pm - animals - by mhmohyeah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

#6226609
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13605) - you deserved it (33116)

On 11/09/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Kirta (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

#6207441
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30565) - you deserved it (3128)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - animals - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

#6205717
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24876) - you deserved it (3174)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:28am - animals - by lessinterestingthanadog (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22793) - you deserved it (4727)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

#6067207
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37935) - you deserved it (3419)

On 10/30/2009 at 3:45am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

#6050318
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27469) - you deserved it (6286)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

#6050280
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9707) - you deserved it (38293)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:15am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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