Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

by moorox45 / 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

by Jeslyn03 / 01/13/2012 at 1:57pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Animals

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

by GrossedOut / 01/11/2012 at 2:47am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 7:50am / United States / Animals

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

by britanyann / 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm / United States / Animals

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

by Fat_abott / 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm / France / Animals

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

by Imgonnahaveabf / 01/05/2012 at 7:06am / United States / Animals

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

by vanessa560 / 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2011 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

by YOURMOM / 12/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2011 at 3:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

by steve / 12/22/2011 at 10:02pm / United States / Animals