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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

#7540376
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26149) - you deserved it (2970)

On 01/24/2010 at 7:28am - animals - by CheeseMonsters (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, while grooming my horse, a spider crawled onto my ear. As if that was bad enough, I'm extremely arachnophobic, so I shrieked out of habit, which in turn caused my horse to freak out and kick me. FML

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

#7493759
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9416) - you deserved it (38043)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:14am - animals - by S.Bunny (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

#7490681
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23349) - you deserved it (4908)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Parental (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

#7396048
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (3596)

On 01/17/2010 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

#7380973
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32038) - you deserved it (4364)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:36pm - animals - by riptoofie (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

#7378425
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26677) - you deserved it (6676)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:46pm - animals - by life_sucks (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

#7373793
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26911) - you deserved it (2659)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:10am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

#7295020
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8911) - you deserved it (20413)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

#7243511
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25845) - you deserved it (2893)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:23pm - animals - by targetlove (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22253) - you deserved it (3088)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22046) - you deserved it (3652)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

#7177053
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28175) - you deserved it (6008)

On 01/06/2010 at 3:41am - animals - by motheroftwo (woman) - Norway (Oslo)



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