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Man or woman?

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

#7295020
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8523) - you deserved it (19824)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

#7243511
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25788) - you deserved it (2890)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:23pm - animals - by targetlove (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

#7199180
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21765) - you deserved it (3036)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm - animals - by Flooded (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21961) - you deserved it (3643)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

#7177053
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28104) - you deserved it (6001)

On 01/06/2010 at 3:41am - animals - by motheroftwo (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

#7156586
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21345) - you deserved it (8105)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:15am - animals - by bels12 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

#7154032
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30136) - you deserved it (8364)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:32pm - animals - by poordog (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

#7124325
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23620) - you deserved it (4787)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:04am - animals - by BW (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

#7107063
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24793) - you deserved it (6229)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:22pm - animals - by Darling_Cherry - United States (California)

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

#7093721
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21582) - you deserved it (2482)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm - animals - by ninjapup (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

#7078768
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26297) - you deserved it (2925)

On 01/01/2010 at 8:03am - animals - by grosssss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

#7063669
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24317) - you deserved it (5029)

On 12/31/2009 at 7:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)



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