Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6534) - you deserved it (65204)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21138) - you deserved it (3217)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

#6254923
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28425) - you deserved it (3235)

On 11/11/2009 at 6:28am - animals - by dEpPrEsSeDgIrL (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

#6246007
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20549) - you deserved it (14518)

On 11/10/2009 at 6:05pm - animals - by mhmohyeah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

#6226609
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10952) - you deserved it (25348)

On 11/09/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Kirta (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

#6207441
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25613) - you deserved it (2399)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - animals - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

#6205717
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22999) - you deserved it (2960)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:28am - animals - by lessinterestingthanadog (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

#6078345
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19964) - you deserved it (4376)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by catwoman (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

#6067207
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33423) - you deserved it (3018)

On 10/30/2009 at 3:45am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

#6050318
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26078) - you deserved it (6113)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

#6050280
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9134) - you deserved it (36814)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:15am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

#6040097
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9551) - you deserved it (74505)

On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: