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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

#14208425
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25616) - you deserved it (9248)

On 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm - animals - by fufu_mutt (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

#14183645
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25487) - you deserved it (1991)

On 12/12/2010 at 9:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

#14175319
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29658) - you deserved it (11946)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:29am - animals - by riddick0846 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

#14160868
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27913) - you deserved it (3085)

On 12/11/2010 at 12:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

#14159700
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25422) - you deserved it (4253)

On 12/10/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

#14117134
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22562) - you deserved it (1968)

On 12/07/2010 at 5:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

#14109694
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24140) - you deserved it (4562)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:50pm - animals - by Addicted2FML303 (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

#13972992
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33396) - you deserved it (3824)

On 11/25/2010 at 9:48am - animals - by Seline -

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

#13930948
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (4627)

On 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by dickwebs - Germany

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

#13930186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19705) - you deserved it (3588)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML

#13919837
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8661) - you deserved it (32975)

On 11/21/2010 at 12:39am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

#13909761
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41177) - you deserved it (4046)

On 11/20/2010 at 9:00am - animals - by serveandprotectyeahright - United States (New York)

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

#13884147
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25955) - you deserved it (3965)

On 11/18/2010 at 1:44am - animals - by nottrustworthy (man) - United States (California)



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