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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

#21084031
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35900) - you deserved it (3911)

On 03/11/2014 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

#21081418
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38516) - you deserved it (7127)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm - animals - by chuchundra (woman) - United States

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

#21077438
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32161) - you deserved it (5244)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52285) - you deserved it (13306)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40249) - you deserved it (9322)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

#21073377
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35454) - you deserved it (4364)

On 02/27/2014 at 5:42pm - animals - by baxeh - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

#21073274
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37428) - you deserved it (5563)

On 02/27/2014 at 3:58pm - animals - by ricard0 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

#21073158
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39975) - you deserved it (3355)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:30pm - animals - by SchoolFMLs (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

#21071021
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48166) - you deserved it (3412)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59am - animals - by HelpMe (man) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

#21070365
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42198) - you deserved it (4028)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:05pm - animals - by Good choice cat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML

#21070082
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32544) - you deserved it (3711)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:20am - animals - by tornkhakis - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35802) - you deserved it (2827)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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