Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

#18070183
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28243) - you deserved it (3062)

On 10/25/2011 at 3:17am - animals - by pinkjade - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

#18055986
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25769) - you deserved it (6672)

On 10/23/2011 at 5:02pm - animals - by kengu (woman) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

#18039079
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26436) - you deserved it (5087)

On 10/21/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

#18038155
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (2810)

On 10/21/2011 at 11:35am - animals - by Mr.P - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25812) - you deserved it (4535)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

#18034258
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (2692)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

#18013165
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19721) - you deserved it (39302)

On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

#18003524
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37850) - you deserved it (2502)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:04am - animals - by minder97 - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

#17974587
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22619) - you deserved it (2589)

On 10/13/2011 at 11:55am - animals - by Doglover - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

#17966931
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23085) - you deserved it (3367)

On 10/12/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by octoberrain - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

#17965176
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27000) - you deserved it (3966)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

#17911621
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28043) - you deserved it (21149)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML

#17903421
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36749) - you deserved it (3991)

On 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)



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