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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30489) - you deserved it (3615)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

#19504619
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9513) - you deserved it (35148)

On 04/21/2012 at 2:01am - animals - by gimmeasalad - United States (California)

Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML

#19481808
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (2979)

On 04/16/2012 at 11:47pm - animals - by booearns (woman) - United States

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

#19476471
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26808) - you deserved it (2932)

On 04/16/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by penny-dropping - United States

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

#19472692
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28289) - you deserved it (1988)

On 04/15/2012 at 1:38pm - animals - by really mom (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

#19449312
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8929) - you deserved it (35560)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:39am - animals - by Quackers (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

#19441830
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21849) - you deserved it (3390)

On 04/10/2012 at 7:13am - animals - by tay (man) - Australia

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

#19440536
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24046) - you deserved it (2765)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:50pm - animals - by Lee (woman) - United States

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

#19435990
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (8915)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:22am - animals - by Ew. (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

#19434982
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11202) - you deserved it (35256)

On 04/09/2012 at 4:28am - animals - by stupidbug. (man) - Canada

Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25266) - you deserved it (3165)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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