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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

#18324094
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17004) - you deserved it (22321)

On 11/23/2011 at 3:19am - animals - by bonertoolong - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34608) - you deserved it (6052)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (15880)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

#18251877
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22510) - you deserved it (10403)

On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

#18249265
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41255) - you deserved it (2502)

On 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm - animals - by Stalked (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

#18217794
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27512) - you deserved it (7844)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:37am - animals - by Pk45 (man) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

#18209782
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32292) - you deserved it (7330)

On 11/10/2011 at 12:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

#18207417
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22392) - you deserved it (9278)

On 11/10/2011 at 12:56am - animals - by Doggy... (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

#18200720
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27649) - you deserved it (3823)

On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

#18192690
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32392) - you deserved it (2405)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

#18172214
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31613) - you deserved it (11861)

On 11/06/2011 at 7:17am - animals - by dre_bro11 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

#18145611
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27168) - you deserved it (9860)

On 11/03/2011 at 6:56am - animals - by Nicole557 (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

#18144949
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25528) - you deserved it (3894)

On 11/03/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia



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