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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49892) - you deserved it (8081)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

#15844364
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8912) - you deserved it (75667)

On 04/19/2011 at 6:03am - animals - by sore (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

#15793137
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17567) - you deserved it (27917)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:47am - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML

#15786852
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28120) - you deserved it (22881)

On 04/14/2011 at 7:29pm - animals - by ciararow - United States

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

#15766373
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22378) - you deserved it (15012)

On 04/13/2011 at 3:05am - animals - by Username -

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

#15762337
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17716) - you deserved it (36520)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -

­Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

#15726248
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25983) - you deserved it (3453)

On 04/10/2011 at 3:32pm - animals - by a man - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

#15714709
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21390) - you deserved it (36471)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by Sid (man) - United States (California)

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

#15713068
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15814) - you deserved it (22939)

On 04/09/2011 at 7:00pm - animals - by Danielle - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

#15703815
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32397) - you deserved it (3909)

On 04/09/2011 at 1:32am - animals - by blehhx - United States

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

#15676274
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43763) - you deserved it (3679)

On 04/07/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19861) - you deserved it (32913)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

#15591569
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31557) - you deserved it (6358)

On 04/01/2011 at 5:12pm - animals - by poopybed - United States (Illinois)



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