Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

#19748698
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22001) - you deserved it (3511)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:00am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

#19744137
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10594) - you deserved it (25024)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:04pm - animals - by DuhSteven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30900) - you deserved it (3227)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancé and I broke up, and he won't answer my calls or texts. I don't want him back; he has my dog. FML

#19702811
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31133) - you deserved it (3342)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:25am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

#19673871
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23246) - you deserved it (2470)

On 05/24/2012 at 5:18pm - animals - by XxEmoWolfiexX (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

#19640596
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31249) - you deserved it (2493)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:22am - animals - by nick - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

#19612564
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26589) - you deserved it (3255)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm - animals - by aliqi (man) - United States

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (2027)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

#19592070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22751) - you deserved it (4368)

On 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm - animals - by gl0b3suck0r (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19675) - you deserved it (32982)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

#19575645
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9127) - you deserved it (29007)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:01am - animals - by lexii - United States

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

#19561558
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25596) - you deserved it (2777)

On 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm - animals - by Monkeyless (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

#19520416
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48042) - you deserved it (3518)

On 04/24/2012 at 1:42am - animals - by jessica071509 - United States (Arizona)



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