Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad took me to the 'Super Butcher'. It's basically a warehouse turned into a giant, walk-in meat freezer, complete with headless pig carcasses. I'm a vegetarian. FML

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

#18482264
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24951) - you deserved it (2303)

On 12/11/2011 at 1:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

#18444351
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33575) - you deserved it (2820)

On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML

#18409440
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (2649)

On 12/02/2011 at 1:36am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

#18408881
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23910) - you deserved it (5841)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:14am - animals - by inpain - United States (California)

Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML

#18384593
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15978) - you deserved it (24668)

On 11/29/2011 at 11:15am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

#18381687
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28672) - you deserved it (3167)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:14am - animals - by reallyupset (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

#18378000
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11678) - you deserved it (35631)

On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

#18344763
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33269) - you deserved it (2602)

On 11/25/2011 at 5:24am - animals - by crimsoncon -

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

#18324094
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (22321)

On 11/23/2011 at 3:19am - animals - by bonertoolong - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34603) - you deserved it (6052)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27097) - you deserved it (15879)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

#18251877
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22492) - you deserved it (10397)

On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)



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