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Man or woman?

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

#18966203
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26225) - you deserved it (5467)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:13am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

#18932795
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23907) - you deserved it (2316)

On 01/28/2012 at 10:46am - animals - by tannarox - United States (California)

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

#18842582
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23725) - you deserved it (4870)

On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

#18827705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31120) - you deserved it (3190)

On 01/16/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by Cathy - United States

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

#18824245
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35252) - you deserved it (10894)

On 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm - animals - by moorox45 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

#18795812
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38825) - you deserved it (3046)

On 01/13/2012 at 1:57pm - animals - by Jeslyn03 - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

#18772974
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24988) - you deserved it (2047)

On 01/11/2012 at 2:47am - animals - by GrossedOut (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

#18765091
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21532) - you deserved it (3977)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:50am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

#18721209
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (6018)

On 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm - animals - by britanyann (woman) - United States

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37612) - you deserved it (4958) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

#18714310
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29762) - you deserved it (3371)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:06am - animals - by Imgonnahaveabf - United States

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

#18697253
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28794) - you deserved it (7764)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

#18661224
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26498) - you deserved it (5975)

On 12/31/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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