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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

#20012106
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10158) - you deserved it (28520)

On 08/09/2012 at 8:02pm - animals - by couchsurfer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

#20008924
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28501) - you deserved it (2707)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25071) - you deserved it (16802)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (4441)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house when we noticed her cat was missing. We saw it on the roof and so I thought I would try to look good by offering to go on the roof to retrieve it. The cat had climbed down when I got up there, and I have a fear of heights. Her mom had to help me down. FML

#19980789
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12264) - you deserved it (22509)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:10am - animals - by screw the cat (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

#19979145
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (18451)

On 07/23/2012 at 3:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

#19978761
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30929) - you deserved it (4116)

On 07/23/2012 at 12:31am - animals - by Lola -

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

#19977133
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21636) - you deserved it (4005)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:05pm - animals - by disappointed (woman) -

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

#19971853
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26247) - you deserved it (8130)

On 07/22/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by whymegirl - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

#19971657
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21411) - you deserved it (2796)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:58pm - animals - by summerbabe77 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

#19960444
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7190) - you deserved it (39709)

On 07/19/2012 at 7:56pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

#19923772
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24829) - you deserved it (6151)

On 07/11/2012 at 1:54pm - animals - by cutup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

#19920201
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24120) - you deserved it (6147)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)



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