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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

#17488478
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7603) - you deserved it (67695)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

#17477307
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26756) - you deserved it (5339)

On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12880) - you deserved it (24043)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

#17458169
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24452) - you deserved it (4759)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:22am - animals - by Ellencrazee (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

#17447833
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43456) - you deserved it (6412)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

#17429478
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (5401)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:47pm - animals - by Ser17 - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

#17423512
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29176) - you deserved it (3364)

On 08/09/2011 at 11:00pm - animals - by Nekro_Kat - United States (California)

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

#17421184
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37497) - you deserved it (8138)

On 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm - animals - by Zoe Avila - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

#17384739
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27376) - you deserved it (2528)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

#17371338
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39360) - you deserved it (7290)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm - animals - by dukebluedevils13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

#17362826
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44245) - you deserved it (2977)

On 08/04/2011 at 1:44am - animals - by SydIsPrettyCool - United States (Michigan)

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

#17359587
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40247) - you deserved it (3871)

On 08/03/2011 at 9:19pm - animals - by roze198765 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

#17343675
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25528) - you deserved it (4757)

On 08/02/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Username - United States



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