Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

#21472567
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21449) - you deserved it (3690)

On 09/25/2015 at 11:03am - animals - by zAstonish (man) - Singapore

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

#21471347
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24241) - you deserved it (2151)

On 09/22/2015 at 6:51am - animals - by lyssthemiss - United States (Illinois)

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

#21471000
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (2747)

On 09/21/2015 at 12:22pm - animals - by mayhemily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

#21470809
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (2004)

On 09/20/2015 at 11:00pm - animals - by spiderlady - United States

Today, I found my diamond earring, which had gone missing. The vet had to surgically remove it from my dog. Despite having made the voyage through the dog's digestive tract, the earring is more expensive than ever. FML

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

#21469827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16132) - you deserved it (30841)

On 09/18/2015 at 8:22am - animals - by introublenow (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

#21469594
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26197) - you deserved it (1626)

On 09/17/2015 at 5:08pm - animals - by wormsmeat (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

#21469191
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25696) - you deserved it (1746)

On 09/16/2015 at 2:26pm - animals - by Urinator - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

#21468014
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you deserved it (1484)

On 09/13/2015 at 3:02pm - animals - by RENThead - United States (California)

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

#21466594
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22641) - you deserved it (1607)

On 09/09/2015 at 6:15pm - animals - by NightHawk4926 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

#21466537
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22835) - you deserved it (2749)

On 09/09/2015 at 3:55pm - animals - by nah - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

#21466401
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25144) - you deserved it (2164)

On 09/09/2015 at 3:34am - animals - by StillLoveMyDogs (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: