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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28913) - you deserved it (2639)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

#21404425
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31013) - you deserved it (2000)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by FMe - United Kingdom

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

#21402034
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27638) - you deserved it (3087)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

#21401720
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29381) - you deserved it (2765)

On 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

#21401449
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27823) - you deserved it (2369)

On 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm - animals - by simple living - United States (Texas)

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30579) - you deserved it (2436)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29919) - you deserved it (3119)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29204) - you deserved it (2898)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (4095)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

#21394577
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (4155)

On 04/16/2015 at 9:10am - animals - by HM (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

#21394097
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26709) - you deserved it (19512)

On 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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