Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

by Crappy / 04/11/2015 at 8:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

by Crazy cat lady / 04/10/2015 at 11:20am / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

by lovinlife028 / 04/10/2015 at 11:08am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML

by Darbstar101 / 04/08/2015 at 9:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

by cat.imakittycat. / 04/07/2015 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Animals

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

by tannerrosetx_1 / 04/06/2015 at 7:44am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

by :O / 04/05/2015 at 6:19pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, a calf kicked a needle straight into my arm hard enough to make me stab myself. The good news is I'm now fully vaccinated for cow diseases. FML

by ihatecoldfeet / 03/29/2015 at 4:54am / United States (Montana) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

by birdsterrifyme / 03/23/2015 at 12:42am / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2015 at 1:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

by brokeforever / 03/18/2015 at 6:23pm / Latvia (Riga) / Animals

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

by ilovecharliesheen / 03/17/2015 at 3:14am / United States (Arizona) / Animals