Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML

by alekoi / 05/13/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

by PrinceOfBritain / 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

by MyNameIsNotJeff / 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm / United States / Animals

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

by FMe / 05/04/2015 at 10:49am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 10:08pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

by morphea / 04/29/2015 at 6:54pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

by simple living / 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

by queengarmin / 04/25/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

by Kira / 04/24/2015 at 1:09pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Animals

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

by 21ShitCleaner / 04/21/2015 at 8:51am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

by craZycatLady / 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

by woof? / 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm / United States (California) / Animals