Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

by Skoff / 07/23/2015 at 5:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 11:40am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

by gassy / 07/15/2015 at 7:15am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4am; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

by 4am blues / 07/13/2015 at 12:39am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my dog brought me a a dead rabbit. It so happened to be the rabbit a group of neighborhood kids were looking for after they lost it yesterday. I just had to hide a body for my dog. FML

by savannahsboxxx / 07/11/2015 at 8:09am / United States / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

by coolcat10156 / 07/08/2015 at 3:04am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

by Alex Andreas / 07/01/2015 at 11:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

by piercednipple / 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

by wtfkasey / 06/25/2015 at 1:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

by That escalated quickly / 06/24/2015 at 3:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, my creepy 12-year-old neighbour stood on his trampoline, looked over my fence and started waving a large net around, chanting my dog's name. Now I'm scared to let my dog outside alone. FML

by Wonderful_0 / 06/23/2015 at 1:58pm / United Kingdom (Luton) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.