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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15780) - you deserved it (2719)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18633) - you deserved it (2497)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

#19342755
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22455) - you deserved it (2163)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:49am - animals - by uh-oh - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

#19312851
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16885) - you deserved it (1989)

On 03/20/2012 at 7:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

#19309925
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17949) - you deserved it (1145)

On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML

#19309330
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20045) - you deserved it (1568)

On 03/19/2012 at 7:43pm - animals - by bibi (woman) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

#19304528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12713) - you deserved it (3226)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:09pm - animals - by tickdog - United States (Texas)

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16234) - you deserved it (2316)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

#19238093
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14606) - you deserved it (5024)

On 03/08/2012 at 6:53am - animals - by Anon - United States

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

#19230527
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31763) - you deserved it (2043)

On 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

#19227433
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9308) - you deserved it (15079)

On 03/06/2012 at 2:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML

#19223873
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22302) - you deserved it (2214)

On 03/05/2012 at 9:47pm - animals - by goldfish - Canada (Alberta)



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