Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

by NightHawk4926 / 09/09/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

by nah / 09/09/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

by StillLoveMyDogs / 09/09/2015 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

by princeronron / 09/07/2015 at 10:02pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Animals

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

by I'm a pussy, yeah yeah / 09/05/2015 at 1:56am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML

by JordanAfml / 09/03/2015 at 5:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

by pansypup / 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, I brought home a new small glass necklace and put it somewhere I figured that the cats couldn't reach. I was wrong. Now I will be looking through kitty litter to find something smaller than a dime. Talk about needle in a haystack. FML

by ShayShay48 / 09/02/2015 at 5:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to pull chunks of digested blanket out of my dog's ass because she refuses to listen to me when I tell her not to eat the damn blanket. I can't stop smelling it. FML

by LPS8585 / 08/31/2015 at 10:59pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

by anon / 08/30/2015 at 2:44pm / United States / Animals

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2015 at 9:29am / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

by anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Texas) / Animals