Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

by Alaska / 10/28/2015 at 11:35pm / United States / Animals

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

by snydeeli000 / 10/26/2015 at 11:41pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 10:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 12:41pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I was grooming one of my horses, when she stepped on my foot. I yelled and frantically tried to push her away. She turned her head toward me and shifted the rest of her weight onto my foot. I'm in the hospital now. FML

by sophiilou / 10/24/2015 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

by OhWait / 10/22/2015 at 8:18pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

by cherokeems / 10/20/2015 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

by bluebelle / 10/19/2015 at 7:10am / Australia / Animals

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 5:11am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

by NotASpiderMan / 10/11/2015 at 12:10am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

by MozillaHostile / 10/09/2015 at 2:54pm / Canada / Animals

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

by Bad Mother / 10/08/2015 at 7:53am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Animals

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

by WaffleJesus / 10/07/2015 at 4:29am / United States / Animals