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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

#20943397
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42421) - you deserved it (7618)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:34am - animals - by katchoo (woman) - Denmark

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

#20938804
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40098) - you deserved it (4450)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:03am - animals - by meow (woman) - United States

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

#20938376
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35216) - you deserved it (4506)

On 10/29/2013 at 8:41pm - animals - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

#20934961
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37547) - you deserved it (4001)

On 10/26/2013 at 9:23pm - animals - by Puppy problems - United States (Vermont)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42900) - you deserved it (6484)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML

#20932403
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36161) - you deserved it (25141)

On 10/24/2013 at 2:04pm - animals - by MBean (man) - Anguilla

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44389) - you deserved it (5335)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45075) - you deserved it (4770)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

#20915004
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32435) - you deserved it (14049)

On 10/10/2013 at 10:11am - animals - by failure (man) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time after we made up from a huge fight. He loves my cat, but she's sick right now so she wouldn't play with him. He yelled at me for "making" her not like him by "telling her lies". FML

#20910894
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44905) - you deserved it (4599)

On 10/07/2013 at 12:20pm - animals - by littlekellilee (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42760) - you deserved it (3585)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42492) - you deserved it (7759)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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